A Longer Lash Could Be a Smash

Siegelmania

By Stanley Siegelman

Published March 09, 2009.
  • Print
  • Share Share

NEWS ITEM: The Food and Drug Administration approved a new prescription drug that will grow longer, lusher lashes.


THE EYES HAVE IT: This eye may have a lush lash, but it’s not because of pharmaceuticals.
GETTY IMAGES
THE EYES HAVE IT: This eye may have a lush lash, but it’s not because of pharmaceuticals.

For gals who like their lashes long,
A brand new drug has come along.
It makes eyelashes flourish, grow
Beyond what is their status quo.

Some women folk will think it cute
To have their lashes more hirsute.
At least that’s what researchers hope
As for new markets now they grope.

Mascara would be obsolete,
Unable, truly, to compete.

Some doctors, though, are not quite sure
About the drug’s alleged allure.
Will its effectiveness endure?
What ailment does it really cure?

Might daily users become vexed
By unintended side effects?
It’s aimed precisely at the lash,
But could it cause, say, a moustache?
(The hopes of women this would dash.
Just hear them cry “Alack! Alash!”)

They’d lash out at the FDA
Which gave the maker its OK,
And some would say it’s downright sin
To make cosmetic medicine.

The scientists appear perplexed
Which body part to target next.
The bushy eyebrow, black as coal,
Could be their new, upcoming goal.

If its new product fails and crashes,
The firm deserves a thousand lashes!


Far froyen kumt oyf der scene
A nye ploymdik meditsin.
Es mokht di vies horik voksn,
’Siz omshedlekh, nit kayn toxin.

Maydlekh glaykhn roykhik oygn,
Mener kumen, tsugetsoygn!
Azoy dertseylt di forshung shtark,
Bekoyekh, dortn vakst a mahrk.

Doktoyrim zaynen nit gevis
Di meditsin volt zayn like this.
Ken es tsubrengen dokh a krekhts?
Vos tut men vegn side effects?

Di vontses ken es gebn tsu
A maydl? Dos iz epes new!
M’ken nit yetst oyf zikher zayn
Oz ales vet geyn gut un fayn.

Di visinshaft iz felerdik,
Ganeyvish vi an oygnblik!
Der visnshoftler, dokh a kener,
Vert farblonzet (vi ale mener).

A roykhik brem ken zayn der tsil
Fun (kumendik) a shpeter pill.
Far dos, azoy, dos oyg’z bashert?
Vos iz di zokh? Vos iz der vert?


The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.





Find us on Facebook!
  • "I’ve never bought illegal drugs, but I imagine a small-time drug deal to feel a bit like buying hummus underground in Brooklyn."
  • We try to show things that get less exposed to the public here. We don’t look to document things that are nice or that people would like. We don’t try to show this place as a beautiful place.”
  • A new Gallup poll shows that only 25% of Americans under 35 support the war in #Gaza. Does this statistic worry you?
  • “You will stomp us into the dirt,” is how her mother responded to Anya Ulinich’s new tragicomic graphic novel. Paul Berger has a more open view of ‘Lena Finkle’s Magic Barrel." What do you think?
  • PHOTOS: Hundreds of protesters marched through lower Manhattan yesterday demanding an end to American support for Israel’s operation in #Gaza.
  • Does #Hamas have to lose for there to be peace? Read the latest analysis by J.J. Goldberg.
  • This is what the rockets over Israel and Gaza look like from space:
  • "Israel should not let captives languish or corpses rot. It should do everything in its power to recover people and bodies. Jewish law places a premium on pidyon shvuyim, “the redemption of captives,” and proper burial. But not when the price will lead to more death and more kidnappings." Do you agree?
  • Slate.com's Allison Benedikt wrote that Taglit-Birthright Israel is partly to blame for the death of American IDF volunteer Max Steinberg. This is why she's wrong:
  • Israeli soldiers want you to buy them socks. And snacks. And backpacks. And underwear. And pizza. So claim dozens of fundraising campaigns launched by American Jewish and Israeli charities since the start of the current wave of crisis and conflict in Israel and Gaza.
  • The sign reads: “Dogs are allowed in this establishment but Zionists are not under any circumstances.”
  • Is Twitter Israel's new worst enemy?
  • More than 50 former Israeli soldiers have refused to serve in the current ground operation in #Gaza.
  • "My wife and I are both half-Jewish. Both of us very much felt and feel American first and Jewish second. We are currently debating whether we should send our daughter to a Jewish pre-K and kindergarten program or to a public one. Pros? Give her a Jewish community and identity that she could build on throughout her life. Cons? Costs a lot of money; She will enter school with the idea that being Jewish makes her different somehow instead of something that you do after or in addition to regular school. Maybe a Shabbat sing-along would be enough?"
  • Undeterred by the conflict, 24 Jews participated in the first ever Jewish National Fund— JDate singles trip to Israel. Translation: Jews age 30 to 45 travelled to Israel to get it on in the sun, with a side of hummus.
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.