Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout

NEWS ITEM: The porn industry, hit by the economic downturn, needs a $5 billion bailout from the federal government — so says Hustler publisher Larry Flynt.


Pornography in film and print
Has made a mint for Larry Flynt.
He’s weathered unrelenting scorn
For making bucks from pithy porn.

Now suddenly, his fortune made,
He’s seeking governmental aid:
“Porn needs a bailout, if you please,
“Just like the other industries.”

His business may have lost some zing,
And may, in fact, be softening.
He faces rises in expense,
In catering to prurience.

His enterprises are in need
Of stimulus, he says. Indeed!
This hustler is on lucre bent,
Largesse he seeks from government.

Downturns in the economy
Have pulverized lubricity.
As profits fall right through the floor,
He suffers pain to his (hard) core.

Unless he lands some dough, he sobs,
More studs are prone to lose blue jobs.
And widespread, starlets we’ve enjoyed
Will likewise end up unemployed.

Is he just putting up a front?
A Flynt pubic-relations stunt?


Du hust gehert fun Larry Flynt?
Er hut fun shmutz gemokht a mint.
Fun Uncle Sam er zukht yetst gelt
Tsu roteven im fun di kelt.

Oomoralish iz er a bisl.
Porn farkoyft er mit a kitsl.
Er vayzt der “tokhes oyfn tish.”
(In English, zog lubriciousness!)

Di hetsoe vokst, der shtyer oykh,
A vaytik khopt im in der boykh.
A kishefhailer naytik iz,
Der hondl hot farloyrn fizz.

A shtoys er darft, gezunt tsu zayn.
Mezumen makht shoyn ales fayn.
Regirung, ratevet der man!
Er iz a gut Republican!

Ekonomieh gayt in drerd,
Di vayl Flynt arbet vi a ferd.
Umyoysherdik! Di korme, esn,
Lomir far im nisht fargesn.

Tsu fil meshn gayn on arbet!
Gesheftnvelt? Kimat geharget!
Flynt tsu maydlekh un tsu fellas
Gebt (der noyer!) gute shteles!

Written by

Stanley Siegelman

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