The combination of meat and cheese always sounded delicious to me. It still does. If kashrut were not a guiding principle in my life, it would make good gastronomical sense to put a nice piece of cheese on that burger I just put on the grill. But I have been kosher about as long as I can remember, so there is no reluctance on my part when my burger is garnished with avocado instead of Swiss. It is a mitzvah I embrace while knowing full well that others choose another path. Other mitzvahs have been more difficult for me to embrace.
On the eighth day after my daughter was born, my mother and I took her for a walk outside. “Thank God she is a girl,” I said, wiping away the tears. “I don’t know how people who have boys manage a bris so soon.” My mother, who is also the mother of my three younger brothers, said, “You have to, so you just do it.”
Fast-forward 23 months, to the birth of my second child, a big, fat baby boy. After almost two years of parenting a girl, I had to learn the new “hardware” of a boy and I had to bring him into the covenant of Abraham. Or at least let my husband do it, since traditionally it was his responsibility.
There are certain mitzvahs that we do all the time and that become almost second nature. Kashrut is a daily mitzvah, the Sabbath a weekly one. Even putting up a mezuza is more than a once or twice in a lifetime mitzvah. But there are other mitzvahs that, even though they have the same status as all the other 612, feel different simply because of their infrequency. Twice I have had the great privilege of writing a letter in a Torah scroll as it was being completed. Overwhelmed with emotion, I do not expect to experience this mitzvah many more times in my life. Bringing my son into the covenant of circumcision was another. So far, it has been a singular mitzvah for me, and at the age of 38, it may be the only time I get to do this particular one.
My sister-in-law Elissa and I commiserated the night before the bris, focusing on the strange gender dynamics at work in this ritual: “You take care of this baby for nine months, watching everything you eat and drink so no harm comes to him. Then you give birth to him and spend a week feeding him, loving him, protecting him. And then on the eighth day, you hand him over to the men to chop him up into pieces.” A slight exaggeration, no doubt, but not totally unfair.
The eighth day arrived. I am a pulpit rabbi, and I expected more people than our house could comfortably fit, so the bris was held at the synagogue. Driving to the synagogue the morning of the bris, I was both nauseated and elated. It was my husband and I and our newborn son in the car. “Isn’t this amazing?” I said. “How powerful does it feel to be doing what every Jewish parent has done before us until the beginning of time?!” Maybe I will feel this again at the b’nei mitzvah of my children, but until now, that moment was the most palpably that I have felt my place in the chain of Jewish tradition.
A crier, I wept my way through the service and circumcision. The intensity of emotion was no doubt partly brought on by the primal physicality of the ritual as well as the power of that ritual in transmitting Jewishness to the next generation. My son had a Hebrew name and the permanent mark of the covenant that he will, God willing, carry with him for the next 120 years.
After the bris, other mothers emerged to share their experience at their sons’ brises. One woman at the synagogue, a mother of five sons, said that every single one was horrible and her sister always hid in the basement. Another said, with a sad smile, “No one tells you how terrible it is.” I had entered this reluctant sisterhood of committed Jewish women who brought their sons into the covenant.
Now, with his bris a distant memory for both of us, my son and I have settled into a loving relationship where I hope I am able to show him the joy and blessings of living a Jewish life. Reluctance has never since been a problem in bringing mitzvahs into his young life. It was a great privilege to bring a son to be circumcised into the covenant of Abraham, and I thank God for enabling me to do that mitzvah. But the greater privilege has been the blessing that we were given on that Monday morning in synagogue — of raising our son with an eye toward teaching him Torah, learning how to live in relationships with other people and being a person accustomed to doing acts of loving kindness.
Deborah Wechsler is a rabbi at Chizuk Amuno Congregation in Baltimore.
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Contact details for celebrants of Brit Shalom (Brit B'li Milah) are at shalom.notlong.com
Oh dear! It's been a few years now that circumcision bashing is fashionable.
For what it is worth, performed properly with appropriate local anesthesia, the procedure is NOT painful.
For what it is worth, like many of the laws enumerated in Leviticus, this mitzva has many health benefits: much fewer cases of the rare cancer of the penis, much smaller chance of contracting HIV-AIDS, and much less premature ejaculation, among others.
How very proud I was, when I knew that my religion demanded this Mitzva which would benefit my sons as they grew into men.
This is no way to talk about the author, especially by supposed religious/orthodox Jews who should show love towards every Jew and about someone who was accepted by a congregation as their rabbi and did have the mitzvah performed on her son.
I applaud you for questioning this ritual. I'm very sorry that you were not able to give your son a Brit Shalom, however. The circumcision practiced today doesn't even resemble the original circumcision practiced by Abraham. I hope you will continue to investigate and question. Traditions should never be left unquestioned.
www.jewsagainstcircumcision.org
http://www.cirp.org/library/history/peron2/
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/circumcision/my-son.html
I am Jewish and neither of my sons is circumcised. It's a barbaric ritual and I don't believe we have any right to mutilate baby boys in this manner.
While I will not sink into the excessive condemnation of some of the above commentators, "chop him into pieces" is not a slight exaggeration, it is unacceptable and reprehensible. And it is totally unfair. Bris Milah is an important and essential mitzvah.
Perhaps more important, the author should be ashamed that she did not welcome her daughter into the covenant on her eighth day with a Bris HaShem.
I applaud this brave rabbi for speaking openly and honestly about her feelings about the procedure and think it ABHORRENT that anyone should spout abusive language about her. The only person who should be shamed are everyone on here bashing her.
"What does she know about a bris?" She just had one for her son! Hymie and Igor: shame on you both.
Here are some other Jewish women discussing circumcision. Shall we shame them too?
Miriam Pollock http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfnqN3YgTd8&feature=related
Laurie Evans http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3xBHgeAc3E&feature=channel_page
Rabbi Wechsler: thank you for sharing your story. Although I am against circumcision, I still admire you for talking about it. Sorry you had to read all the abuse by the commentors above. You don't deserve that AT ALL, and it definitely says more about them than it does about you. I wish you peace.
I am perplexed by some of the comments on this article. Notwithstanding individual poster's feelings about women serving as rabbis, I see this as an article about the struggle to follow G-d's law even when we don't want to. This is exactly what the author describes herself as doing: keeping kosher despite the appeal of treif food, and bringing her son into the brit even when her instincts told her otherwise. How can an orthodox Jew possibly object to meritorious behavior in the face of great temptation?
Hymie Z., I'm amused by your attack on JTS on the grounds that the man at its head is not "a real rabbi." Your choice of phrasing is odd because it implies that Arnold Eisen, a sociologist, claims to be a rabbi, which is not the case. Your attack becomes yet stranger in light of an obvious mirror in the orthodox world. What are your feelings toward YU, which appointed non-rabbi Richard Joel as president (the equivalent of the chancellor position at JTS) three years before JTS appointed Eisen?
Sadly, the Left Wing Forward (the print edition of which I still subscribe) saw fit to take down my earlier post. I will shorten it, and assume that squelching opposing speech is typical of Lefties, and the Rabbis for Obama...
This so-called anti-circumcision "Rabbi" should consider another field. She claims to have kept Kosher all her life. WHY? Simply because Jews are commanded to do so. Similarly, a HUGE obligation of Jews is to have the father or mohel perform a circumcision---a covenant with Hashem.
I will bet you bucks to bagels that this "Rabbi" is a granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing Obama-supporting Leftie, who only believes in those areas of Torah that do not conflict with her Left Wing agenda.
Although there are many good health arguments for performing circumcision (or in keeping Kosher) the REAL reason is because we are commanded to do so....a covenant with Hashem.
Again, this "Rabbi" should find a new line of work...maybe a potter or weaver in a Vermont commune.
Circumcision is a sick ritual that should be illegal. People should be arrested for rape and sodomy, regardless of their religion. Can't you give your child a more gentle introduction into the world without mutilating him? A wonderful man, Victor Schoenfeld, produced a film called "It's A Boy" which showed the horrors of a Jewish and Muslim circumcision. See it before your mutilate your child!! One more thing... there are NO good health reasons for mutilating your child, NONE!!
I had mine done 57 years ago and it still looks good. I don't remember a thing, BECAUSE I WAS 8 DAYS OLD!! I have no complaints and harbor no resentment toward my loving parents, may they rest in peace. But more importantly this reminds me of a joke; What's the difference between a "Bris" and a "Get" (a Jewish divorce)? With a "Get" you're rid of the entire Schmuck.
Why is it that the loudest opponents of circumcision/bris are Leftist women, Hairy-underarm, Earth-Mother-type Leftists, and anti-Semites?
Why do these Leftists belive that MEN should have NO SAY in matters of abortion, BUT alwasy seem to stick their yenta noses into matters that do never affect a woman?
I rarely hear ANY men object to this procedure----especially normal heterosexual Jewish men. The procedure and ritual is part of a covenant between the Jewish people and G-d----a procedure that both my wife and I would clearly state has never been anything but positive.
I would also venture that most of the opponents of circumcision/bris are atheists or haters of religion.
As a middle aged, circumcised, Jewish male who attends Shul every week, I believe that circumcision is an unnecessary mutilation. The removal of the foreskin also removes a great deal of sexual sensitivity. I would not perform a circumcision on my children, nor would I have had one myself, had I been given the choice.
Some mitzvot simply do not belong in the modern world. Just as I would not sacrifice a heifer or smite a Canaanite, neither would I mutilate my son and rob him of his ability to fully enjoy his sexuality.
If we can place mitzvot in abeyance, like those pertaining to worship at the Beis HaMikdash; and if we can exercise lenience in the exercise of other mitzvot, like not killing a fellow Jew for breaking Shabbos; then we can certainly tokenize the Bris Milah for those Jews who are opposed to circumcision on moral grounds.
For the record, Reformed, Reconstructivist and Humanist Jews perform bris milahs that do not require circumcision.
Stephen: What kind of "Shul" do you attend every week?
BTW, on what authority do you have that Reformed (sic.), Reconstructivist (sic.) and Humanist Jews (are they really Jews?) have a bris that does not require circumcision? What is done at the bris?
Circumcision is a primitive ritual that has no place in modern times. I know several Jews who abandoned the procedure, just like they abandoned orders like stoning.
Thanks Rabbi for sharing this story. I'm sure it will help many new mothers get through this emotional day.
Hymie, a reformed rabbi is my authority that circumcision is not a requirement.
A Bris may consist of a simple prick and a trickle of blood. A bris milah is not a requirement in Reformed, Reconstructivist and Humanist Jewish congregations.
Humanist Jews ARE Jews. Really.
Hymie, I attend the kind of Shul where Torah, Talmud, Mishnah, Midrash, Shulkan Arukh, etc., are taught, discussed, and sometimes very heatedly argued.
This was a beautifully-written post.
All three of our children were entered into the community of Israel on their 8th days of life. For our sons, they were also entered into the Covenant as all of their forefathers before them. These were profound moments in their lives and mine as well. (See here for a post about our youngest child's bris: http://rivster.wordpress.com/2007/09/19/the-ties-that-bind-rh-5768/)
By definition, a bris requires a circumcision. A drop of blood is referred to as a Hatafat Dam Brit and that is done for the purposes of conversion when a man has already had the foreskin circumcised. That goes for the Reform movement (the last letter is an 'm' and not a 'd') as well. A naming ceremony, however, does not require a circumcision, and there are those in our movement who offer that as an option to parents who are opposed to a brit.
You know, I just find it so sad what this world of Judaism has come to.
It's a briss. Thousands upon thousands of Jewish men have had them and they all turned out fine.
No one was "traumatized" by it, if it hurt, I can promise you that no one even remembers and as a mom of 2 boys, YES, it is a difficult and painful thing for a mother to see her baby go through it. I was tearful through both of my boys brissim.
But to deny a child a briss because of YOUR personal agenda is just so wrong. This is a ritual that has been happening for thousands of years, through communist Russia in basements, through the holocaust- people risked their lives so that their baby boys could enter into this holy covenent.
And now people decide its "optional."
I just think its sad.