New York Police Revert to Type

Siegelmania

HUNT-AND-PECK: This typewriter with Hebrew characters is not among those purchased by the NYPD.
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HUNT-AND-PECK: This typewriter with Hebrew characters is not among those purchased by the NYPD.

By Stanley Siegelman

Published July 30, 2009.
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NEWS ITEM: New York City is spending nearly $1 million on new typewriters for its Police Department. Mayor Michael Bloomberg expressed shock at the purchase. “Why are they using any is the question you should ask, and where do you find them?” the mayor said. “That was the thing that I thought about. I didn’t think anybody made them anymore.”


The typewriter is obsolete,
But not for cops who walk the beat!
What does this mean? What is the crux?
New York just spent a million bucks
On buying yester-year machines,
For use when someone misdemeans.

You see, police record all torts
By typing details in reports
That by computer can’t be done
In any PD garrison.
Such processing is slow, but quite
A drama-filled, arresting sight.

The typewriter, device low-tech,
Compels police to hunt-and-peck.
In matters typographical
Pertaining to the criminal,
Each officer displays a knack
For making sounds of click’ty-clack.
It is by methods such as these
That they keep track of felonies.

In truth, this purchase-escapade
Makes New York cops seem retrograde.
Appropriate it might well be
To have a larger back-space key.
Away with “New York’s Finest” hype!
Just teach policemen how to type!

The future suddenly looks good
For Remington and Underwood!


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