In corners of the world I never expected my Jewishness to surface, my ancient heritage finds me. Or is it the other way around?
Whenever I’m in Manhattan’s Diamond District, I get a twinge of nervousness and guilt: I worry about how I’ll react when an Orthodox Jew stops me and asks, with that unmistakable Yiddish inflection, “You Jewish?”
A “yes” will prompt a polite request to step inside a “Mitzvah Mobile” to put on tefillin. Usually I’ll smile, say I am indeed Jewish but that I have an appointment, and hurry away. I feel guilty, as if I’m too rushed to be Jewish, and make believe I’m scurrying off to something more important.
And then one day, I was flying home from Brazil. I was sitting in business class on American Airlines and got up to splash some water on my face on the red-eye flight.
A bearded man walked into the business-class section from coach and asked, in that familiar two-word phrase I had heard so often on the sidewalks of New York, “You Jewish?”
Well, it’s hard to make up stories about having another appointment when you’re five miles high. I processed what his reaction to my answer would be. Maybe he needed a minyan. Maybe he wanted me to say a prayer. In any event, I could not just stand there, inches from him, and lie. I certainly couldn’t ignore him. I told him yes.
“Do you put on tefillin?” he asked me.
“Not since the day after I was a bar mitzvah,” I told him.
“Will you put on tefillin here?” he asked.
I was feeling uncomfortable. Some of the other passengers were looking at us. I suspected that few people who fly from South America had often been this close to a man in a skullcap.
“Where?” I asked, feeling trapped. He looked over to where I was sitting with my wife.
“Over there,” he said.
I sat down next to my wife, Rosalind. We were in the first row, so there was room in front of us. He kneeled and faced us and then opened a bag and proceeded to unwrap the phylacteries. As he unrolled them, a religious drama unfolded. All talking in the cabin stopped when he put the cube on my forehead. Then, as he started to wrap the straps around my arm, I saw a kindly flight attendant hold up her hands, stopping anyone from walking through the cabin. This was a holy moment. For an instant, I wondered what the other passengers were thinking. Yet, I seemed to gather some ancient resolve in my otherness. I was strengthened by my immersion in my faith, not caring what anyone else thought.
He worked quietly, then he asked me to say a prayer, aloud.
I never before had to proclaim my Jewishness in a non-Jewish environment, never had to utter the words of that ancient language outside of the sanctuary of a synagogue. And here I was, nakedly Jewish in front of a cast of gentiles. Ironically, I felt less sure of my Jewish persona in front of this rabbi than I have when non-Jews have asked if I am Jewish. To them, I offered a strong yes, which brooked no discussion, no further explanation. Their assumptions of me empowered me.
There in the airplane, as the light from the rising sun filled the cabin, the rabbi said, “You’re never so close to God as when you put on tefillin.”
At 30,000 feet, who could argue with him?
I have had other surprises about my Jewishness in my travels — interestingly, not in the States but far, far away.
My wife and I were taking a tour of a synagogue in Venice when the secretary asked me if we would like “a Sabbath dinner.” Turns out they serve Friday night meals there. Sure, we said. We sat down, and naturally the first course was soup. Not a matzo ball in sight. It was pasta e fagioli. We loved it, especially with the accompanying challah.
More surprising was that time in Shanghai, at a Buddhist temple where a lady in the gift shop was brewing various types of teas. She asked if I am Buddhist or Christian.
“I’m Jewish,” I said.
“I thought so,” she replied. “Big nose.”
I didn’t think I could argue the point. I just smiled and sipped my tea. But I wondered how in the world a stereotype existed in a teeming city that identifies only a few hundred residents as Jewish. It was quite inscrutable. Then again, on this same trip, touring Xian — home of the famed army of terra-cotta statues — when our guide learned we are Jewish, she claimed, “I’m Jewish, too!”
Wow, a Mongol Jew? How did this come about? I asked. She admitted she wasn’t quite sure — except that her mother had told her there was Jewish blood in the family.
Certainly, if I can find my Jewish connection in China, then what about finding the link in tiny Costa Rica? There, our guide seemed very impressed with my Hebraic underpinnings.
“Jews are very smart people,” he explained.
Interesting, isn’t it, that in my travels around America, I’ve never sought out Jewish sites or checked the phonebook to see if it listed any Eskenazis (as I did during my first trip to Paris). But the farther I’ve been, the more I search for a Jewish connection. And the crazy and wonderful thing is, I usually find it — and once, at 30,000 feet, it found me.
Gerald Eskenazi, a retired New York Times sportswriter, lectures on the news media, pop culture and sports.
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What courage! What conviction! A real Jew.
What is it 5 miles above the ground and at incredible speeds, are people and perhaps Jews in this case, more honest, open and objective? And yet when we land or return home, the force of grave-itys brings us back to our stubborn, slow, don't confuse me with facts-I will never change attitudes? Grave Stupidity, grave anti-relgiosity, and grave hostility against good things, seem not so important when heaven/trip bound. We are all blessed with a life, too often short of 120 years. There is very little time to do things over. My great,well educated conservative rabbi of long ago (he would be fired today) said- A Jew always moves to the right, in learning and deed. Adults- catch some Aish (.com) or participate in authentic local ortho classes- its major league- not little league- you can do it. When raising children, grave-ities can cause unrepairable harm/loss- A child's education begins when a couple gets married!!! Live Jewish lives with your kids- don't shortchange them! Judaims is not a course or afternoon activity- It's life every minute of the day with a washed hand and a bracha over a piece of simple bread. This type of intinerary will help every Jew reach all destinations in safety and in health and with much naches. Safe flights to all!
It also happens to me. I was walking in Buenos Aires three days before christmas in a very busy avenue (Cabildo y juramento) Many many people. Then a man with a long bear and a skullcap, ask me: Are you Jewish. I'm not a religious man but I am Jewish i am part of the Jewish people. I say yes and then he asks me "would you put tefilin here" The same thing in front of a lot of people he put me on the tefilin while I repeat the prayer he says. The same as you it was the second time I've put it on. But it was more powerful than in my Bar Mitzva in front of the world I was jewish
In a moving plane five miles up you can davven sitting down. Once on an American flight to Europe, there were no Kosher breakfasts, so the stewardess offered me the standard fare of scrambled eggs with some sort of pork on top. When I thanked her but declined, she disappeared and returned with the same plate without the pork, just the pork grease all over the eggs. She felt happy that she had made the breakfast kosher, but I still very politely declined.
During World War 2 many Jews who fled the Nazis wound up in Shanghai. The city of Shanghai accepted more Jews than many countries. The Japanese did not persecute them because of their Jewishness. On many old stone houses you can still see the spot where a mezuzah was affixed. Hence the Jewish connection, and that of the Mongol-Jewish guide.
Thank God for Chabad. Jews must help each other in every way possible, physically and spiritually.
Next time you are approached to put on Tefillin, why not smile kindly and ask " What, twice in one day?"
Re Mr Eskenazi's airborn tefillin episode: about a month ago on a sunny Sunday morning in Golder's Green, North London (a large Jewish enclave)strolling along the main shopping street, I was stopped by a heavily-bearded man standing on the pavement alongside a white van. I was startled by his blunt 'Are you Jewish?' Not a question I am often asked, but I smiled at him and nodded. The inevitable invitation to lay tefillin quickly followed, and he pointed to the van, indicating that this was where the deed would be done. I declined, hopefully with courtesy, and continued my stroll, whereupon he ran after me and thrust a small coloured flyer into my hand. This contained some interesting information about tefillin and included a printed Hebrew prayer, which a footnote informed the reader was not to be destroyed because of its holy properties. (I have carefully put this leaflet away at home. No need to look for trouble from above!)
One other tefillin story: once visiting the Alte Neue shul in Prague, I was approached in the street by a tiny, pale young boy, who looked about 14, with the same invitation. Sadly, he drew a blank from me and all the other passersby.
Life must be tough for all these good, gentle mitzvah merchants!
I nearly forgot: Good Shabbas one and all!
Ah! I have quite the opposite problem - a real American mut (German/Irish/Scottish/English/Dutch/French) with maybe some Sephardic ancestry who grew up with many Jewish friends and who, at the age of 49, has decided to persue conversion! Even at my own temple people ask me if I have wondered in by mistake...
As I have not yet met the Halakhah requirements required to call myself Jewish, I really don't know how to respond to questions about my faith. Heaven forbid I answer "I'm Jewish" and get pulled in to make a minyan - I would feel like a liar! I guess we all struggle with our identity...
Gut Shabbos, everyone!
I'm an anthropologist, so I was once on a very isolated mountain region in western Mexico. I was sitting with a small group of wirrarika indians while I saw a woman dressed like them, but with a light colored skin and hair, so I thaught "here comes some hippie". The woman approached me and asked me for may name, and then she answered, oh, I'm jewish too". I had many, many experiences like that one in the most isolated places I could imagine, so I never felt alone as a jew.
There is a Pintele Yid in all with Jewish Heritage no matter how far removed - The spark of Judaism that kindles from time to time.
Before Nazis I would not deny my Jewishness. Before these pushy Miztvah mobile and tourist site and airline impolite Chabadniks who hak me a chinik, I say no--
This is ridiculous. Jews are human beings like everybody else, why the hell does it matter what religion or ethnicity we are? And why the hell should we have to express this with tefillin?!!
Yiddish - the Jewish Esperanto. In 1942, a teenager, I escaped from Nazi-occupied Amsterdam planning to go to Switzerland but ending up in Spain and ultimately in England. In need of help, I didn't trust to approach gentiles. Jews, however, I knew I could trust even I they couldn't or didn't dare to help. Not "looking Jewish" and disguised as an arien hiker I looked more like a Hitler Jugend youngster. I heard one Jew say to his compagnon:"ver is der shaigets?" " Hob nisht kayn moyre, ich bin a Yid". I met Jews in Begium, Paris and Vichy France in most unexpected places and found friendship and assistence always. It is all described in my book: "Who will carry my bags?"
Pablo Fraenkel
You know, it's funny--I've always thought I look pretty Jewish, but for some reason, nobody ever asks me to put on tfillin. I even live in Israel--in Jerusalem, no less!--and these guys are literally everywhere. I'll be walking with some friends and they'll get asked, but not me. Never.
So one day, after both of my friends had been approached (but again, not me) I told the guy I wanted to put on tfillin, that I hadn't done it today and I'd like to. But he wouldn't even make eye contact with me.
Any idea why I might be singled out?
On behalf of the other half of the population not represented in this story or these comments, just a friendly reminder of all the other women like me for whom this phenomenon is disrespectful and misogynist.
Joe--are you trying to tell me that I've been wrapping my tfillin around the wrong appendage all along? That would certainly explain why women are unfit!
My point is, while being offered to lay tfillin by a Chabadnik because you look Jewish gave those of you who commented above a sense of kinship and connection, the entire interaction is determined by your gender. When I encounter the same thing, I feel patronized and excluded. Please think about how your sisters, daughters, and wives might feel the next time it happens to you.
I'm secular and agnostic--but there are defined gender roles in Judaism and that's that. Although misogyny exists among Orthodox Jews (just as racism does) the fact that women are exempt from putting on tefilin, as it is a time-bound commandment, most of which women are exempted from, is not misogynistic in and of itself.
Chabadniks are well-known for pushing Shabbat candles on women and nudging them to light them--while they guilt-trip men to put on tefilin. How many men kvetch that they are being excluded from the wonderful Sabbath-candle-lighting ritual?
If it's so important for you to put on tefilin, you would have your own pair (it is not expressly forbidden even within Orthodox Judaism for women to don tefilin)and you wouldn't need to feel validated as a Jew by a Chabadnik teen doing his "mivtzyoim".
I'm secular and agnostic--but there are defined gender roles in Judaism and that's that. Although misogyny exists among Orthodox Jews (just as racism does) the fact that women are exempt from putting on tefilin, as it is a time-bound commandment, most of which women are exempted from, is not misogynistic in and of itself.
Chabadniks are well-known for pushing Shabbat candles on women and nudging them to light them--while they guilt-trip men to put on tefilin. How many men kvetch that they are being excluded from the wonderful Sabbath-candle-lighting ritual?
If it's so important for you to put on tefilin, you would have your own pair (it is not expressly forbidden even within Orthodox Judaism for women to don tefilin)and you wouldn't need to feel validated as a Jew by a Chabadnik teen doing his "mivtzyoim".
Oh, that must explain it! I've been stuck in Jew Parking my whole life--I guess I've just been waiting on Chabad to validate me so I can finally be a real Jew!
And on that note, I guess I'm also waiting around for the Jehovah's Witnesses to come knocking at my door, because it's not patronizing to proselytize. It's fulfilling mitzvot!
Look, Mikey, Chabad can have all the defined gender roles it wants. But they profess to follow the Torah, which, while it doesn't actually say anything specifically about tfillin, does have a lot to say about how we should treat one another. And pushing their specific flavor of ultra-orthodoxy on passers-by on the street, including their antiquated and disrespectful gender roles, is a much bigger violation of Jewish principles than a woman putting on tfillin. That's how I feel about it anyway, and that was my point to all of the men who acquiesce in this situation even though it doesn't reflect their own Jewish values.
A domestic commuter flight in the US was delayed making my carefully laid plans to daven Mincha on landing moot. As sunset approached and touchdown didn't I rose from my seat, opened my overhead compartment and put on my jacket and hat as a preparation for prayer. I suddenly felt many eyes on me and looked around at many puzzled and a few worried expressions. Sudenly I saw the scene through their eyes. High in the sky, where is this guy getting dressed to go? Does he know something we don't?
Going out of our immediate cultural comfort zone in order, paradoxically, to meet ourselves in a different light is one of the ideas behind LIFE (see www.LIFEprogram.org), a nine-month leadership development program for young adults 21-30 in Israel and India. While in India for four months before comign to Israel for the same time period, the last cohort became known by their cosmopolitan, young professional Indian friends as 'The Jew Crew'. Likewise the staff of our partner NGO were fascinated hearing about the emphasis on the aspiration for justice in the Israeli Declaration of Independence and the prophet Amos. Meeting people of other cultures and seeing other societies as they go about the business of mediating between modernity and their own 'native' culture is one of the most fertile places for Jewish reflection, growth and self-recognition. This fuels the development of a deeper understanding of our obligations respectively to Jews and non-Jews, an issue that today more than ever in our global world needs to be part of the foundation of Jewish leadership. By going out we are also at the same time coming in. By being at home everywhere we can live more comfortably in our own cultural home (and vice-versa). Yonatan Glaser, LIFE Director
Sharon- lucky us, we are not required to carry out the mitzvah of putting on tefillin. We have other very important mitzvot to carry out - eg. giving birth - to me that is the greatest mitzvah -populating the Jewish people.
Gerald, Thank you for these wonderful reflections! I am a white American believer in Jesus Messiah, and thoroughly enjoyed the writings of your experiences. My spirit rose up with excitement and elation at your telling of putting on tefellin (even though my carnal mind has no idea what that entails). I am one American (among many!) who still believes the Jewish people are G-d's chosen. Please forgive me if I have used any name or term inappropriately. I most certainly do not mean to offend. Thank you again, for sharing some of your spiritual, and personal life experiences! Please continue.
Oh, that must explain it! I've been stuck in Jew Parking my whole life--I guess I've just been waiting on Chabad to validate me so I can finally be a real Jew!
And on that note, I guess I'm also waiting around for the Jehovah's Witnesses to come knocking at my door, because it's not patronizing to proselytize. It's fulfilling mitzvot!
Look, Mikey, Chabad can have all the defined gender roles it wants. But they profess to follow the Torah, which, while it doesn't actually say anything specifically about tfillin, does have a lot to say about how we should treat one another. And pushing their specific flavor of ultra-orthodoxy on passers-by on the street, including their antiquated and disrespectful gender roles, is a much bigger violation of Jewish principles than a woman putting on tfillin. That's how I feel about it anyway, and that was my point to all of the men who acquiesce in this situation even though it doesn't reflect their own Jewish values.
Sharon, you wrote that "[Chabad]...profess to follow the Torah, which, while it doesn't actually say anything specifically about tfillin, does have a lot to say about how we should treat one another."
Orthodox Jews, as you well should know, absolutely do believe that the Torah speaks about tefilin when it says that they shall be a sign on your hand, and frontlets between your eyes". Now, as I said, me, personally, I'm a secular agnostic individual dude (although I grew up Orthodox)--but if I may observe, it's YOU who are being intolerant by condemning Chabad for "pushing their specific flavor of ultra-orthodoxy on passers-by on the street, including their antiquated and disrespectful gender roles, is a much bigger violation of Jewish principles than a woman putting on tfillin."--in other words, you expect them to change their fundamental devoutly held beliefs to accommodate YOU. Israel is a free country, it's not Afghanistan, you have the right to put on tefilin or not put on tefilin as you wish, and male passersby have the right to ignore them or accept their offer to don tefilin, but don't expect Chabad to abandon their idea of what proper custom and Jewish tradition is by offering you tefilin. As I said, if you feel that you must don tefilin daily to achieve spiritual fulfillment and comply with Jewish custom, you may purchase a set, there is no specific prohibition in Jewish law on women wearing tefilin, merely that they are not *required* to do so (just as a man is not *required* to go to a mikveh once a month, whereas a married woman is!). If you asked for a set of shabbat candles, I am sure the Chabad young man would have been happy to help you and they would not have offered it to male passersby, as lighting Sabath candles is usually something that women do in Orth. Judaism. If you want to get upset about inequities in halakha between males and females, I would worry more about the status of agunot or that women's testimony is not accepted in batei din, rather than focus on nonsense such as whether a Chabadnik offers you tefilin or not.
Sharon, you wrote that "[Chabad]...profess to follow the Torah, which, while it doesn't actually say anything specifically about tfillin, does have a lot to say about how we should treat one another."
Orthodox Jews, as you well should know, absolutely do believe that the Torah speaks about tefilin when it says that they shall be a sign on your hand, and frontlets between your eyes". Now, as I said, me, personally, I'm a secular agnostic individual dude (although I grew up Orthodox)--but if I may observe, it's YOU who are being intolerant by condemning Chabad for "pushing their specific flavor of ultra-orthodoxy on passers-by on the street, including their antiquated and disrespectful gender roles, is a much bigger violation of Jewish principles than a woman putting on tfillin."--in other words, you expect them to change their fundamental devoutly held beliefs to accommodate YOU. Israel is a free country, it's not Afghanistan, you have the right to put on tefilin or not put on tefilin as you wish, and male passersby have the right to ignore them or accept their offer to don tefilin, but don't expect Chabad to abandon their idea of what proper custom and Jewish tradition is by offering you tefilin. As I said, if you feel that you must don tefilin daily to achieve spiritual fulfillment and comply with Jewish custom, you may purchase a set, there is no specific prohibition in Jewish law on women wearing tefilin, merely that they are not *required* to do so (just as a man is not *required* to go to a mikveh once a month, whereas a married woman is!). If you asked for a set of shabbat candles, I am sure the Chabad young man would have been happy to help you and they would not have offered it to male passersby, as lighting Sabath candles is usually something that women do in Orth. Judaism. If you want to get upset about inequities in halakha between males and females, I would worry more about the status of agunot or that women's testimony is not accepted in batei din, rather than focus on nonsense such as whether a Chabadnik offers you tefilin or not.
Per Sharon--- "Oh, that must explain it! I've been stuck in Jew Parking my whole life--I guess I've just been waiting on Chabad to validate me so I can finally be a real Jew! And on that note, I guess I'm also waiting around for the Jehovah's Witnesses to come knocking at my door, because it's not patronizing to proselytize. It's fulfilling mitzvot! "
Sharon, first you resent that the Chabadniks did not include you in their proselytising for men to fulfill the commandment of donning tefilin, and now you use your sarcastic quips to complain that they are doing it in the first place. So, I take it you don't believe in free speech and the free marketplace of religious ideas--you would prefer an Israel where Chabadniks should be prohibited from urging their fellow Jews from observing commandments so that they don't offend women by not being gender-inclusive. Did it occur to you that they have a right to urge fellow Jews to observe the mitzvah of tefilin the way they see fit and you have the right to ignore them? Or, if you wish, you can [wo]man a gender-inclusive mitzvah tank and nudge fellow females in J'lem to put on tefilin too, if you think that it's so important for women to participate in this ritual .
I find a lot of you as Hypocrites. I just came from a log travel around Europe. If you will continue to behave like this, new Hitler is round the corner
Perhaps you are only Jewish which is why G-d is gently reminding you wherever you go.
sharon, did you ever wonder about the racism that G-d did by making our bodies slighter than a man's (as a whole) or the fact that we have different organs and capabilities built into us from before birth? why would G-d have to create two very different genders if their roles were to be the same?
anti semitism exists. it's a fact that is and it is built into the very fabric of the world. it will be perpetuated against you and i whether or not we are functioning as torah jews. but, do you know what breeds respect, marian? respect, maybe grudging, maybe unseen, maybe even felt in the midst of outright hatred? it is when a jew is true to who he is. it is when a jew is not ashamed of having the right to live in the land of Israel and believes that terrorism is just that and is not to be catered to in any way. it is when a jew is not ashamed to hold to a torah standard of morality, and acts with consideration to all people, but does not compromise his way of life. a jew who is not scared to be a jew is a protector of the jewish people not the opposite.
Our family, too, visited Jew Town in Cochin, India. And I agree wholeheartedly with Gerald. Nothing but travel to historic Jewish places allows us to validate our identity as the Jews, helps to establish our 'belonging' - something that most of us in dire need of. Majority of Jews cannot name their ancestors beyond greatgrandparents, and even those who can go that far are the lucky ones. Our children become more and more cosmopolitan, regardless whether we agree that it is good or bad. We need to stick together. The world around us is not kind to Jews. We are not forgiven our mistakes, ourcriminals are the most evil of them all, we are never praised for our good deeds, only envied and hated even more. I believe that this antagonism should bring us together, help healing some divisions and misunderstandings within our community. And travelling is an important step in the direction of making us into one people once again.