Conservative Rabbis Shape Up

Siegelmania

Muscle Mensch: Will Orthodox and the Reform/accept this standard as the norm?
Forward Montage
Muscle Mensch: Will Orthodox and the Reform/accept this standard as the norm?

By Stanley Siegelman

Published December 30, 2009.
  • Print
  • Share Share

NEWS ITEM: The Conservative movement’s Rabbinical Assembly is urging its 1,600 members to work out on a regular basis.


To be considered up to par,
A rabbi must be muscular!
With vigor must he sing each hymn,
Be it in synagogue or gym!

Rabbinical Assembly speaks:
“Our clergy must have strong physiques!
“No pallor will we now permit!
“They must be trim! They must be fit!
“Let’s go beyond their current role,
“The lifting of the Torah scroll!
“Eleventh this commandment: Heark:
“Be not infirm! Be always shtark!”

Could sermons that the rabbis spout
Take second place to working out?
Profound may be the words they speak,
Of equal import, their physique?

High holidays they’ll celebrate
By running miles and lifting weight.
Of Jewish woes they’ll bear the brunt!
It matters not! Abi gezunt!

Today, rabbis of either sex
May public’ly their muscles flex.
Their congregants may them admire,
And to good health also aspire.

Will Orthodox and the Reform
Accept this standard as the norm?
And will they now due credit give
To machers in Conservative?
Somehow, we entertain a doubt:
This would require some working out!


The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.





Find us on Facebook!
  • Can you relate?
  • The Forverts' "Bintel Brief" advice column ran for more than 65 years. Now it's getting a second life — as a cartoon.
  • Half of this Hillel's members believe Jesus was the Messiah.
  • Vinyl isn't just for hipsters and hippies. Israeli photographer Eilan Paz documents the most astonishing record collections from around the world:http://jd.fo/g3IyM
  • Could Spider-Man be Jewish? Andrew Garfield thinks so.
  • Most tasteless video ever? A new video shows Jesus Christ dying at Auschwitz.
  • "It’s the smell that hits me first — musty, almost sweet, emanating from the green felt that cradles each piece of silver cutlery in its own place." Only one week left to submit! Tell us the story of your family's Jewish heirloom.
  • Mazel tov to Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky!
  • If it's true, it's pretty terrifying news.
  • “My mom went to cook at the White House and all I got was this tiny piece of leftover raspberry ganache."
  • Planning on catching "Fading Gigolo" this weekend? Read our review.
  • A new initiative will spend $300 million a year towards strengthening Israel's relationship with the Diaspora. http://jd.fo/q3Iaj Is this money spent wisely?
  • Lusia Horowitz left pre-state Israel to fight fascism in Spain — and wound up being captured by the Nazis and sent to die at Auschwitz. Share her remarkable story — told in her letters.
  • Vered Guttman doesn't usually get nervous about cooking for 20 people, even for Passover. But last night was a bit different. She was cooking for the Obamas at the White House Seder.
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.