My sister Debbie has always been gorgeous — great face, great body. When I happened to find a picture taken 20 years ago, showing us all grouped around our family’s beloved dining room table, I was thrilled at how young and fit we all looked.
But I hid it from her for months.
The reason is simple: the picture shows her in profile. My sister hates her profile. More specifically, she hates her nose, with a passion beyond reason, at least to my mind and to everyone else’s.
Small noses don’t run in the family; I don’t think any have appeared in several generations.
My grandfather, who died when I was 5, reportedly had one, but so far as anyone knows, this particular gene was then lost, or submerged, forever. Anyway, Zayde’s nose, which is still fondly remembered by older relatives — “Now Zayde had a good nose!”, accompanied by general murmurs of appreciation — has yet to reappear.
On the whole, though, we’re a good-looking family, and so what if our noses aren’t tiny raised bumps? We’re Jewish, aren’t we?
Never bothered me. My sister’s another matter. I’ve argued with her about it often enough, but finally gave up. She wants to hate it, that’s her prerogative.
But then something happened: I happened to see the recent Julie Christie movie, “Away from Her,” the one she got an Academy Award nomination for. Everyone had been raving about how absolutely beautiful she looks in it, despite her age, which is apparently something unspeakable, like 60.
So I saw it. The acting was fine, but something was definitely off. Christie, who I remembered well from her (and my) youth, just didn’t look the same. The Julie Christie of the past — “Darling,” “Shampoo,” “Dr. Zhivago” — had been truly stunning. Memorable. The kind of looks that haunt you.
This Julie Christie was older, sure, but that wasn’t it. She was also conventionally pretty. Regular, uninteresting, dime-a-dozen prom queen looks.
She’d never looked like that before. I’d heard she’d had a facelift, but somehow, I knew that wasn’t it. Was it possible this was someone else, masquerading as Christie? I couldn’t figure it out.
Then one night I came across an old Christie film, “Heaven Can Wait.” And the answer was there: The young Christie was as ravishingly beautiful as I remembered — with a proud, impressive nose.
She’d gotten a nose job! That was what had made the difference. It had to be something she’d always wanted; noses don’t change with age. Obviously she figured if she was fixing things up, she might as well go all the way.
And with one fell swoop of the surgical knife, she had gotten rid of everything that made her exotic, arresting, interesting — and beautiful.
It reminded me of the Jennifer Grey story. Remember her? A little girl, but with quite a nose on her. She got a lot of attention for her role in “Dirty Dancing,” where apparently her nose was considered okay since she was playing a Jewish girl.
Only it wasn’t to her — not long afterwards, she got herself to the nearest surgeon, who obligingly chopped her nose down to a bare nub.
And no one ever heard from her again.
A fully rendered nose can be not only distinctive, but actually enhance a person’s attractiveness, giving it interest, an arresting beauty. As Jennifer Grey knows, the lack of one can sink the whole enterprise.
My friend Janie is an actress. She is also Jewish and has a decent sized nose, no minor blip. Early on in her career she played the Anne Sullivan part in “The Miracle Worker.” That play has a strenuous physical scene in which Anne, the teacher, is trying to tame Helen Keller.
Wrestling with her co-star in one performance, Janie smashed into the table, fell — and broke her nose. (Trooper that she is, she was all for finishing the scene, but they pulled her offstage before she bled all over the set.)
She had only one instruction for the surgeon: Don’t dare change my nose! No smoothing out, no carving, nothing. Her nose is a part of her looks and she wanted it to stay exactly as it was. And so it has.
I hold no breach against plastic surgery, and wouldn’t mind having a few things ironed out, or lifted. But my nose will stay as it is, for the duration. And so should my sister’s. Yours, too.
Judy Oppenheimer is the author of “Private Demons: The Life of Shirley Jackson” (Ballantine Books, 1989).
The Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, the Forward requires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, the Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.
Copyright © 2013, Forward Association, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Reconsider Decision on Rabbis and Intermarriage
Is Steven Hawking’s Decision To Boycott Israel a Boon to BDS?
Alas, Poor GOP: 3 D.C. Scandals That Weren't
Forced Out by Nazis, Grandmother Returns With Family to German Hometown 
Mother of Jewish Teen Killed on Brooklyn Bridge Speaks Out
You've successfully signed up!
Jennifer Grey did NOT intentionally get a nose job. She was very proud of her nose. She needed surgery on her nose for other reasons and the surgeon without her permission altered her nose to its present state.
I am definetly a nose man. A nose really defines character. My own nose is miniscule (my luck!) If nose extenders would be available at a reasonable price, I would buy one.
Noses CAN change with age--but, without surgical intervention, they do not shrink.
Many long centuries of inbreeding has taken a toll on the Jewish body (and mind) for sure. And the Jewish nose is only one result of all of that inbreeding.
Some Jews have big noses just like Arabs, Italians, and others do. I'm personlly sick and tired of everyone equating Jews with big noses. None of my large extended Jewish family have big noses and we all have two Jewish parents. There is nothing wrong with Jewish bodies or minds. Look at the number of Jewish Nobel Prize winners and all the conrtibutions that Jews have made to the world. Other ethnic groups have big noses not just Jews so what does that have to do with inbreeding? Eman is the product of inbreeding between his White trash mother and her brother. Where do these idots come from?
Hurray! We don't all have to look the same. I think our culture needs to appreciate our faces and noses as God intended them to be. Our nose and our ears are the only parts of our face that continue to grow as we age.
This is a libel on Julie Christie. Go to imdb.com and compare the pictures of her from 1966 and 2006 -- her nose is larger in 2006, which is a normal course of aging. You owe your readers a correction and Julie Christie an apology.
There's probably nothing better looking than a big nose. All the better to smell with, the paraphrase the wolf from "Little Red Riding Hood".
I may have a big nose, but that's not the only part of me that's big. Eat your hearts out ...
Jennifer Grey was perfect with her nose the first way. They should hang the doctor who touched her.
that was just beautiful wise words :)i am thinking to have a nose job, cause im the girl that gets teased all te time for haveing a big nose. but people still say im pretty its just my nose :( it makes me soo upset and deppresed about myself and makes me want to get a nose job but i dont want to have a fake nose, i want it the way it is now im not trying to impress everyone. but it would be nice just for someone not to tease me about how big my nose is :(..
Thank´s for this words! I have a ugly big nose and I think of it every day. I´m 44 years old!!! But now I will try to think like you! Thanks!
awesome
hey im 12 with a big nose and i cant take it anymore i ahte when people make fun of me and i hate meeting people becuz i wonder what they say about my nose and people keep making fun of me and i dont know what to do i cry everyday about and i cant take it anymore what should i do????
Melanie, I promise things will get better for you.
You are 12 and kids your age can be very mean and cruel. As you grow up people gradually become more mature and more polite.
Verbal abusers are people who hate themselves and need to make someone else feel bad in order to make themselves feel better. They are pathetic and weak.
I have a small nose and when I was 12 people made fun of me for other things. Your problem is not your nose. If you didn't have a big nose you would be feeling bad about something else. Girls your age almost always feel bad about themselves one way or another. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
Self-love and self-acceptance get easier as you get more mature, more experienced, and stronger. You will be a completely different person in five years. Wait it out. Things will get better, I promise.
I have a big nose. If I didn't i'd be absolutely gorgeous and could model. I hate my nose. I almost got it fixed a couple years ago but then i felt guilty. I still might. Let's be honest, if someone is beautiful they are beautiful even if they have a slight bump like Rachel Weisz...however a big nose on a beautiful face just gets in the way. I think big noses are horrible. For me I mean. If someone likes their nose that's awesome, but if I could make all the noses in the world small and pretty I would. I hate my big nose and I hate people who have pretty noses because they complain about other things that are easily fixable. There's not makeup to make your nose smaller...not in the way that lipstick enhances small lips or eyes can get bigger with liner. A big nose is the worst flaw to have. I would rather be flat chested or have no ass if I could have a perfect face.
I have a big nose and i have been teased for a long time. I have hated myself and i sometimes dont want to go to school because i see other popular preety girls. But i guess we just have to live with it and try to ignore it even if they tease us big noses in public, we have to think were beautiful !
I have a small nose,so I wouldn't know how it'll be to have a big nose. But some people with big noses are very attractive cause everything else about them is perfect.Don't think people with big noses are automatically ugly.It is distracting,tough,I'm not gonna lie.
sunny -- I feel the same exact way. I'm still in my awkward puberty years but my nose just SUCKS. :( and like, I think no guys will ever like me cause of my nose. Monica -- Don't say "big noses are distracting" because there are plenty of women with big noses that are much more beautiful that women with small noses.
Melanie, If other people tease you, they are obviously jealous of something. I have a medium to big nose, but it is symmetrical to my face. Back when I was in school, I got along great with other people, and infact those who did make fun of my nose were my close friends. The reason being that they had to be jealous: I was fortunate to grow up in a stable and wealthy healthy family, where I always had a nice car, nice house. So it was all jealousy. In fact, my best friend started making fun of my nose right after I started dating the most gorgeous girl in my school. Trust me; if a friend of yours makes fun of a physical trait of yours for long, they are not your friend.
And be happy for yourself, most people with big noses are highly looked up upon in the business world. For the same reason that big muscly guys inflict fear, a well dressed "big" nose person inflicts respect and intelligence.
by the way ladies, I am not used to being attracted to women with big noses, but today in college, I saw the most gorgeous looking girl I have ever seen, and she had a bigger nose than I do. so don't feel so down!
I've heard "inner beauty" shit all my life... And you know what? If I had the money, I'd run into the nearest plastic surgery clinic in ecstatic joy! No confidence and no inner charms are going to work if you have huge nose, like I do. I've heard once I'd be pretty if I had a small, normal nose. I lost a chance to be a lingerie model because of it, even though I have VERY attractive body. If that was something Photoshop could fix, but no, it's THAT bad. The nose - it spoils it all... I hate my looks, I hate my face! And nothing can change that, except for surgery, no matter how many times my bf tells me I'm attractve, it doesn't really matter. I see what I fucking see...
Maria, I know exactly how you feel. I have a big nose and it's made me feel insecure my whole life. I worry about people seeing me from the side and I feel like everyone is constantly staring at it, and I always feel as though no one will ever love me because of it. I'm sure your totally beautiful, i mean you were almost a lingerie model girl! Don't be so down on yourself, it takes alot to feel good about yourself when you have a big nose, but if you actually look around at other people, alot of them have big noses and you barely notice it. When it's on yourself you pick out every little thing wrong. I'm sure your nose makes you unique not like every other boring little pug nosed girl you see. I'm not going to say i love my nose because i don't, but I have learned to accept it. Keep your nose the way it is and show them boyssss how hot a big nose can be!(:
I hate my nose. It's crooked on profile. I hate pics and if I could do something about it right now, I would. Maybe I will someday. everytime I look at it especially profile, I cringe. Hate it so much.
I totally hear you. I didn't realize we have the same name. But like I said above. I absolutely hate my nose and hate when people take pics of me. I feel so ugly.
my nose is looking like one big gooseberry.i think if i change my hairstyle,it looks better.which type of hairstyle i can do.
i inherited a big nose and i hate it, people tell me im pretty but im sure its just from the front! i hate my nose, some people like it but i am getting nose job as soon as possible (my mom got one in her teens), but your words are helping me hold out until then! thank you!
I gots a big one too but I love it too bits and me and my friends make fun of it all the time. Its hard to love every minute of the day (which is probably why Im on this page) but its part of who I am :) When I was about your age Melanie a teacher of mine told a story about a girl who he rejected at high school over again because of her abnormally large teeth. But as she got older the rest of her face changed to suit her teeth better making her very pretty and he fell for her in senior year. Except this time he rejected her ^^ .. .. At the time I was very self concious of my nose which was huge and simply didnt suit me, I was teased a lot, and I remember wondering if my face would change to suit it when I was older. And it did. Its still a huge conker long, wide and bumpy, except it suits me better and is a great part of my personality. Natalie Portman says "cute is when your personality shines through your looks" Sure my nose curls over when I smile but its just part my facial expression. Similarly to those cutie girls with the gap in their teeth, like Anna Paquin. They may not like it but its so much more interesting and how can you not love Anna? ^^ Hope this helps a bit.
lil mistake in my story above "except this time SHE rejected HIM" lol makes all the difference xD
Im only 20 years old but my facial features make me look like a 30 years old. Especially my nose.
My big nose ruins my face, but even if I went for surgery I would look weird cause I have a large face and a small chin...it wouldnt look natural.
So I guess Ill just look like shti for the rest of my life.
And dont tell me all that counts is inner beauty. Thats so untrue. In our society physical appearance is REALLY important. You know it.
My Nose is the size of Jupiter. Before i reached high school I thought i was fine, but then i realised i have probobly the biggest nose in the entire school. Whenever someone says 'nose' i get all uncomfortable because it is so huge. What makes it worse is that i am a girl with a tiny head and i have inherited my dads huge nose, and he has a huge head! I NEED SURGERY! but i dont know it will be the right thing to do. Help???
Im so sad...I already knew i had a big nose and just kind of forgot about it.but today with everybody listening,this guy was talking about how big my nose was.it ruined my whole day...im 13
im not attrative in any way and men are put off by my big nose . so ive never dated never been asked out because of my nose and im nearly 40 . I have no husband , no children , no family . God did not bless me at birth
Thank you! I've always had a big nose and people joke about it all the time. I never thought that it was pretty, I always considered it an ugly flaw. But you're right, no one is supposed to be perfect, they wouldn't be interesting if they were. So what if I have a big nose?? You don't realize how much confident you just made me. I absolutely love this article.
I truly believe that I am beautiful from the front and sometimes I forget about my profile. It's disgusting I HATE IT! HATE IT! and you know what the sad thing is? when I was about 11 or 12 I had a best friend (or at least I thought she was my best friend but really she was a bitch in disguise) and we were at the mall and we were really having fun and then out of nowhere she says "wow you have a huge nose" and before that I'd never noticed my nose. So thats my depressing story and since then (I'm only 14) the size of my nose has been pushing me back in everything I do. Especially when I see a cute guy walking towards me and I think he's going to turn his head and check me out, I instantly turn my head away from them. SO the exact moment I turn 18 and am allowed to get a nose job I AM going to get it. Unless by some miracle, I actually grow into my nose (which I highly doubt) my nose job is a thought that will never ever leave my mind.
I truly believe that I am beautiful from the front and sometimes I forget about my profile. It's disgusting I HATE IT! HATE IT! and you know what the sad thing is? when I was about 11 or 12 I had a best friend (or at least I thought she was my best friend but really she was a bitch in disguise) and we were at the mall and we were really having fun and then out of nowhere she says "wow you have a huge nose" and before that I'd never noticed my nose. So thats my depressing story and since then (I'm only 14) the size of my nose has been pushing me back in everything I do. Especially when I see a cute guy walking towards me and I think he's going to turn his head and check me out, I instantly turn my head away from them. SO the exact moment I turn 18 and am allowed to get a nose job I AM going to get it. Unless by some miracle, I actually grow into my nose (which I highly doubt) my nose job is a thought that will never ever leave my mind.
When I was young I got teased for my nose probably only a few times, but from then on it became an obsession. I've been self conscious about it ever since, but pretty recently I've come to accept it. I may not LOVE it every second, but I am beautiful! :D And if you think you're beautiful from the front, guess what... THAT MEANS U ARE BEAUTIFUL... Period! You know what, even if people do notice it at first, it will pretty much blend in with the rest of your features over time, and as they get to know you, they will realize that your beauty encompasses all.. They won't just think "Oh ur pretty except for your nose," they will just think "She's pretty." I mean think about it, have all the guys you've gone out with been perfectly hot? NO!!! But you see their overall attractiveness and you stop giving a shit about their every detail. It's just American society brainwashing everyone to think that small noses are the only way to go. There are a ton of people out there with ETHNIC noses that are hot. I have my gramma's big ol' Persian nose with a slightly bulbous tip but I have this baby pierced and everything. I rock it! I even poke fun at myself around my friends sometimes... Who cares. It lightens the mood. I work at the gym at my college and I get hit on all the time by hot athletes, and my bf is a delicious basketball player. Is this proof enough that big noses are legit??? It's all in the confidence!!!!
P.S. I have big curly hair, I suggest big hair with lots of body to balance out the nose. And also I like doing the little pouf at the top of the head, kind of like what Bump-Its are supposed to do. Volume is key.
Also as you get older people stop teasing so damned much. Everyone has "flaws" or things you could make fun of if you wanted to. They will get over it.
Love,
Big Hot Nose.
It's funny reading all of these comments because I've always felt like I'm the only one on the face of the planet with a big nose. I struggle with both confidence and insecurity about my nose. But, I completely agree with Amanda (above). Although, I feel like my nose is the size of Asia I've always had good looking bf's and am in a successful relationship with a gentleman now. Honest to god, if you show the world how interesting and fun you can be despite your big nose, they'll love you even more. Give yourself a break, nobody is perfect, NOBODY. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and work on being the best person you can be. Otherwise, you and the rest of the world are missing out on a beautiful person.
I'm sorry to disagree with everyone but- I myself was born jewish. After plenty of hurtful comments in middle school, seeing that guys wanted to date pretty girls in every stage of life(which usually meant small noses)I could laugh at it all I wanted to but deep down I started feeling very bad about it. I wanted to be pretty and sexy. Maybe a woman who doesn't care about feeling sexy and disired, or want nice guys to stare when she enters a room because she is goreous, might not be to upset by it. But I was, and I was going to be pretty too, and no person could persuade me otherwise. There are studies that show beauty is about semetry, no matter what race or religion you are. Men desire beauty and youth-it's been well known for many years. Some ethnic traits might be considered beautiful because they are exotic- but if it is not proportional, it isn't considered attactive. I don't know any man on this planet who thinks Marylin Monroe was plain or boring-looking. But Marylin would be the sex symbol she was if it weren't for her make-over.I think she had her nose thinned and also a chin implant. She was drooled over. Even middle eastern women are very beautiful as well-from what I have seen their faces still have very proportionate features(maybe not perfectly straight but not something that would stand out much.)I guess my point is that it all depends on what people want and if they are happy the way they were born thats ok- but it's also ok if you want to change some things. Also, it's really nice when I see straight nosed jews because to me it means jews are considered like every other girl and just as pretty.
hey rach, just want to say that ive had guys stare at me from across a room and ive noticed it only happens when i feel confident but ive had it heaps all the same, and i have a massive nose. i have massive eyes as well and people say they see that first, i will probably always be a bit self conscious of my nose but id rather have my nose than have an obviously surgeried one, and people asking me about the nose job i had all the time, once youve had surgery, people will ask you for the rest of your life, no doubt
I've hated my nose for... well I don't really know. At some point I realized it's not cute. I've HATED it. I'm super thin, thank god because I don't think I could handle anymore flaws in my life. I'm also extremely white though which doesn't help. I'm not ugly and from the front you can't even tell theres anything wrong with my nose. Honestly do i think other people notice it? Not nearly as much as I do but when I walk around and see people with crooked noses I think it makes them much less attractive. Crooked noses not big noses. I mean having a bump on your nose, like a noticeable one. But mine is worse than some because my jaw line isn't strong so it doesn't help my side profile which I HATE. I'm kind of funny looking. I don't look like normal people, i have tiny almost nonexistent lips and not very big eyes. I actually had a girl say to me once " you have really small features except your nose, have you considered a nose job?" To which I wanted to say " hey why don't you go back to the land of oblivious whoreville and eff yourself" She was sooo inconsiderate. Any way this is what I've learned: there are much worse things than having an ugly nose. Girl that said she could have been a bikini model: what is wrong with you? You have a ugly nose? Wow you have a hot tan bod and bigs boobs, guys will like you. There are much worse things in life and having an ugly nose is not going to hold you back. Being self conscious because of it will. I know a girl with a crooked nose and she isn't even cute in my mind but can get any guy she wants because she's confident. People will like you. People will love you. Life will go on. I'm a total hypocrite because I have little tantrums about my nose pretty frequently, more recently because i wanted to get a nose job and realized my nose was too ugly. I need to get over it though. We all do. I love this blog because we are like a collection of people who share the same problem ( for lack of a better word). But yea.. no i just need to find lipless albinos of the world with ugly noses and I will feel way better about myself. You aren't ugly. Actually you might be how should I know? But if you are what can you do? Might as well live the life YOU want to live. Who cares what other people think?? They don't control you. BITCH THEY DON'T KNOW YOUR LIFE. We'll get through this together. Love you all.
nose piercing not job.. HA nose job I wish..
They say people with big noses make good lovers.i have a big slovack nose my plastic surgeon says iam beautifull but not the cindy crawford type. JUlie