Fixing the Flying Toilet
NEWS ITEM: After the toilet on the orbiting space station broke down, the space shuttle Discovery delivered an unusual payload to the stressed astronauts: a pump to fix the faulty potty.
The astronauts, with great distaste,
By hand were pumping liquid waste
Because their toilet pump was broke —
In outer space, this is no joke!
To rescue came the shuttle — fast!
The trip itself was quite a blast!
Worldwide, in ev’ry Hamlet, we
Heard asked: “to pee or not to pee?”
The deed is done! the toilet’s fixed!
Reactions ’round the globe are mixed:
Some folks applaud, while others fret,
The sky-high cost makes them upset.
There ne’er was such a lengthy trip
To rectify a pesky drip.
If Halliburton did the task,
Would it cost less? some people ask.
(Remember Nixon’s “plumber” freaks
Whose specialty was plugging leaks?)
The astronauts feel rapture, bliss:
It works! (the Oval Orifice).
Inspiring it is to see
A NASA flush with victory!
“An instalator darf men shnel,”
Dos iz dem shtern-flier’s yell.
Tsebrokhn iz der klozet, oy!
In kosmos-shif es shtinkt azoy!
Vebshifl kumt! Der rotunik
Iz aktuel, efektiv, quick!
Danken got! M’ken dokh vern krank,
Farsapen zikh fun dem geshtank!
Tsurekht makhn iz a sukses!
Der klozet — mer nit kayn mess!
Di shtern-fliers urinirn,
Un zeyre gesheftn oykh durkhfirn!
Tsu tayer kost di gantse shpil?
Kritikers fregn yetst “vi fil?”
Zey viln visn what would be
The Cheney-Halliburton fee.
M’dreyt zikh dort arum, in space —
— A tsebrokhene john iz keyn disgrace!
I’m personally matching all gifts to the Forward, up to $36,000. Can I match your gift now?
Hello, fellow Forward reader! I’m Joel Brown, a Forward reader and supporter for more than 15 years, and currently the chair of the board of directors.
I’m an avid Forward reader because it ticks so many of my essential boxes: excellent journalism, Jewish focus and diverse viewpoints. In today’s political climate, what I most appreciate is the Forward’s independence — made possible by the generosity of its membership.
The Forward is committed to bringing you unbiased, nuanced Jewish news. From my position as board chair, I see an exciting future as we expand our position as the definitive independent voice of contemporary American Judaism.
— Joel Brown, Forward board chair
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
