NEWS ITEM: In a televised report entitled “Sacred Vows, Secret Affairs,” CBS News uncovered a surprising degree of sexual immorality in New York’s ultra-Orthodox community, a group famously known for high standards of righteous behavior. Cited as one causative factor was the prevalence of pre-arranged marriage, causing unhappy spouses to seek fulfillment elsewhere.
Ingesting too much salty lox?
What’s with the ultra-Orthodox?
Though overwhelmingly devout,
With sex they cannot do without.
Aroused, some secretly carouse
And violate their marriage vows.
While outwardly they pious seem,
The tenth commandment they blaspheme.
Too frequently, it must be said,
“The neighbors wife” gets coveted,
And dalliance is found more thrillin’
Than the act of layin’ tefillin.
Hasidic Jews become impure,
Confronted by the lure, amour.
CBS went undercover
These conditions to discover.
And what they saw, to their regret,
Was “dating,” via Internet —
(A method whereby one may find
Thrill-seekers carnally inclined.)
Despite the utterance of pray’rs,
These folks were seeking hot affairs.
By no means is this scene the norm,
But those involved should seek Reform!
Oy! vos tut zikh tsvishn Yidn!
S’iz besodik, shtil, un hidden!
“S’iz okh un vey,” shrayt CBS,
“A shande, take, such a mess!”
Ortodoksn hobn kheyshek,
Plutzling yetst tsu vern fleyshik.
Nit kukndik oyf frumkeyt, zey
Viln besser (ah-ha!) to “play.”
Dos meynt zey fodern dos rekht
Nokhloyfn tayvlonish geshlekht.
Gants nishtik iz zeyer davenen
Ven yeytser hore iz zeyer yen!
Nokh shkheynim glustn zey a sakh.
Di Tsen Gebot? M’git a lakh!
Zey kontsentrirn oyf der znus,
Di tsilbreter iz to seduce.
Di velt gleybt az zey zaynen frum.
(M’darf zey kern mit a broom!)
A shutef neytik farn bet?
Oysnitsn zey di Internet!
Di moral lomir nisht farlirn:
Zey muzn take reformirn!
Di merhayt funem Yidishn folk,
Der rabim — that’s to say, the bulk,
Folgn undzer heylikn din
Un zaynen kegn shreklekh sin.
Nor etlekhe, a tiny few.
Farratn vos es meynt: “a Jew.”