Top 10 Badass Mah Jongg Jews

Have We Got a List for You, Jeffrey Goldberg!

Sun Tzu’s Jews Sigmund Freud and Judith of Bethulia taking stock of their Pongs and Kongs at the 2013 Miami World Championship of Mah Jongg.
kurt hoffman
Sun Tzu’s Jews Sigmund Freud and Judith of Bethulia taking stock of their Pongs and Kongs at the 2013 Miami World Championship of Mah Jongg.

By Backward Staff

Published May 23, 2013.
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8
Philip Roth and David
Jewry’s lusty lyricists both share an appetite for a turn of phrase, and a turn between the sheets. David displaced Saul, while Roth supplanted Saul Bellow. In between practicing his slingshot with dragon tiles David fought the Philistines, while Phil manfully battled philistine critics. There is, to date, no evidence that Roth has had a rival bumped off so as to bed his wife. But now that he’s stopped writing, he’s also got more free time on his hands, only some of which will be occupied in kicking Chinese tile butt.

7
Rosa Luxemburg and Hank Greenberg
You better be afraid. Very afraid. These be the two that sank the Titanic. What’s that? An iceberg? Greenberg, Iceberg, Luxemburg, Bloomberg, it’s all the same. They be sinking ivory ships — just not on Yom Kippur.

6
Sigmund Freud and Baruch Spinoza
So, Baruch — or should I say Benedict D? — tell me about your childhood? Before you know it we’re deep into repressed memories of Amsterdam parenting and his feelings towards Descartes’ mind-body dualism. Fortunately with the intellect and writing ability that these two bring to the Mah Jongg table it’ll only take a second to psychoanalyze and excommunicate the sh** out of all-comers. Sometimes a chrysanthemum ain’t just a chrysanthemum… if you know what I mean.

5
Karl Marx and Groucho Marx
In facial hair, Groucho favored greasepaint, while Karl preferred a full beard-fro. Karl wanted to overthrow the system through class revolution, while Groucho preferred the comedic anarchy and dizzying wordplay. But under it all, they were brothers in arms — who can watch Groucho insult wealthy dowagers and not recognize him as a true man of the proles? And who can read Marx’s fantasies of a classless worker’s paradise without a bit of a smirk? But when it comes to the dialectical materialism of Mah Jong, these two be serious like Mao Tse Tung at Changchun.

4
Natalie Portman and Jeffrey Goldberg
This team has a serious handle on Prevailing geopolitical Winds because it has one member providing Israel analysis of unparalleled credibility. And it also has Jeffrey Goldberg, who knows a few Jews who control the media. This is the team for Jewish continuity, that’ll have your great great grandchildren’s grandparents playing Mah Jongg long into the future: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.


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