Masturbation Could Force You To Fast For 11 Years — But Murder Is Cheap

Tuvia Tenenbom Learns The Price of Sin in the Holy Land

Casting the First Stone: Author Tuvia Tenenbom on assignment for his next book, tentatively titled “Alone Among Jews.”
Isi Tenenbom
Casting the First Stone: Author Tuvia Tenenbom on assignment for his next book, tentatively titled “Alone Among Jews.”

By Tuvia Tenenbom

Published October 07, 2013, issue of October 11, 2013.
  • Print
  • Share Share
  • Single Page

(page 4 of 4)

I conclude that if there are snakes around, no matter what the reason, I better run away fast.

What should I do next?

I don’t really know.

I ask some Haredi leaders who Rabbi Batzri really is but they seem offended by my question. “He is a righteous mekubal (kabbalist),” they tell me. How about the snake instructions at the ritual bath? This is a known fact, I’m told.

Now I’m not sure what’s worse: Assad’s chemical weapons or the mystic’s snake attacks? Fighting forever in Syria or fasting for 26,249 days in Israel? Eventually finding yourself dead in Saudi Arabia or being reincarnated as a Jewish whore in Israel?

Between you and me, if I’m ever given a choice I think I’d like to turn into a goyishe she-ass.

Tuvia Tenenbom is the author of the German bestseller “I Sleep in Hitler’s Room.”


The Jewish Daily Forward welcomes reader comments in order to promote thoughtful discussion on issues of importance to the Jewish community. In the interest of maintaining a civil forum, The Jewish Daily Forwardrequires that all commenters be appropriately respectful toward our writers, other commenters and the subjects of the articles. Vigorous debate and reasoned critique are welcome; name-calling and personal invective are not. While we generally do not seek to edit or actively moderate comments, our spam filter prevents most links and certain key words from being posted and The Jewish Daily Forward reserves the right to remove comments for any reason.





Find us on Facebook!
  • “I don’t want to say, ‘Oh oh, I’m not Jewish,’ because when you say that, you sound like someone trying to get into a 1950s country club, “and I love the idea of being Jewish." Are you a fan of Seth Meyers?
  • "If you want my advice: more Palestinians, more checkpoints, just more reality." What do you think?
  • Happy birthday Barbra Streisand! Our favorite Funny Girl turns 72 today.
  • Clueless parenting advice from the star of "Clueless."
  • Why won't the city give an answer?
  • BREAKING NEWS: Israel has officially suspended peace talks with the Palestinians.
  • Can you guess what the most boring job in the army is?
  • What the foolish rabbi of Chelm teaches us about Israel and the Palestinian unity deal:
  • Mazel tov to Idina Menzel on making Variety "Power of Women" cover! http://jd.fo/f3Mms
  • "How much should I expect him and/or ask him to participate? Is it enough to have one parent reciting the prayers and observing the holidays?" What do you think?
  • New York and Montreal have been at odds for far too long. Stop the bagel wars, sign our bagel peace treaty!
  • Really, can you blame them?
  • “How I Stopped Hating Women of the Wall and Started Talking to My Mother.” Will you see it?
  • Taglit-Birthright Israel is redefining who they consider "Jewish" after a 17% drop in registration from 2011-2013. Is the "propaganda tag" keeping young people away?
  • Happy birthday William Shakespeare! Turns out, the Bard knew quite a bit about Jews.
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.