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I conclude that if there are snakes around, no matter what the reason, I better run away fast.
What should I do next?
I don’t really know.
I ask some Haredi leaders who Rabbi Batzri really is but they seem offended by my question. “He is a righteous mekubal (kabbalist),” they tell me. How about the snake instructions at the ritual bath? This is a known fact, I’m told.
Now I’m not sure what’s worse: Assad’s chemical weapons or the mystic’s snake attacks? Fighting forever in Syria or fasting for 26,249 days in Israel? Eventually finding yourself dead in Saudi Arabia or being reincarnated as a Jewish whore in Israel?
Between you and me, if I’m ever given a choice I think I’d like to turn into a goyishe she-ass.
Tuvia Tenenbom is the author of the German bestseller “I Sleep in Hitler’s Room.”