Masturbation Could Force You To Fast For 11 Years — But Murder Is Cheap

Tuvia Tenenbom Learns The Price of Sin in the Holy Land

Casting the First Stone: Author Tuvia Tenenbom on assignment for his next book, tentatively titled “Alone Among Jews.”
Isi Tenenbom
Casting the First Stone: Author Tuvia Tenenbom on assignment for his next book, tentatively titled “Alone Among Jews.”

By Tuvia Tenenbom

Published October 07, 2013, issue of October 11, 2013.
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I conclude that if there are snakes around, no matter what the reason, I better run away fast.

What should I do next?

I don’t really know.

I ask some Haredi leaders who Rabbi Batzri really is but they seem offended by my question. “He is a righteous mekubal (kabbalist),” they tell me. How about the snake instructions at the ritual bath? This is a known fact, I’m told.

Now I’m not sure what’s worse: Assad’s chemical weapons or the mystic’s snake attacks? Fighting forever in Syria or fasting for 26,249 days in Israel? Eventually finding yourself dead in Saudi Arabia or being reincarnated as a Jewish whore in Israel?

Between you and me, if I’m ever given a choice I think I’d like to turn into a goyishe she-ass.

Tuvia Tenenbom is the author of the German bestseller “I Sleep in Hitler’s Room.”


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