Stanley Siegelman, as steady readers of Der Vinkl must know, is blessed with not only the witty word, but also a sharp eye for unusual news. His current subject deals with a school for gays in the New York City public school system. Here is his Yiddish version on the subject, followed by his English version.
A Talmud Torah far Feygelakh
A plan iz do fun vos men kvelt
A “school” far gays — meshugene velt!
S’iz epes modne, nor me zogt
Der plan a groyse “problem” trogt
Dos iz — in ershtn un letstn vort
Vos lernen di studentn dort?
Ven “teachers” gibn zey a “quiz”
Vet es zayn fray fun “prejudice”?
Fun “topic” A biz “topic” zed
Vos pasirt yetst in “phys ed?”
Vet “closet” tir geefnt zayn?
Veln mentshn kukn dort arayn?
Fun vanen kumen bikher (”texts”)
Zey efsher dreyen a kop “re” sex.
Vet Dr. Ruth di alte yente
Zayn a “speaker” — a “presenter?”
Tsoris! “Law suits” ken dos zayn
“Re” vemen lozt men dort arayn.
Tsu hobn dortn an “entrée”
Muz men tzaygn men iz “gay.”
An aplikant vos kukt oys “best”
Muz efsher nemen dan a “test?”
“Freg nit, zog nit: dos tut men nisht
Yetst iz ales shoyn zeyer farmisht!
A mazl oyf der nayem “school”
Vi es gefint zikh di “golden rule”
Gebentsht der board of ed! Omeyn
Zey geyen vi nor malokhim geyen!
A School for Gays
Now here’s a plan that merits praise
A school exclusively for gays.
The concept, though, could flop some fear
Because they find it somewhat queer.
The doubters wonder what, in sum
Will constitute curriculum.
Will what is taught be neuter, viz
Devoid of gender, prejudice?
Or will the emphasis, instead
Be on the merits of phys ed?
Will closet doors be opened wide
So that everyone can peer inside?
Who’ll teach the kids? And from which texts?
And who’ll present the specs of sex?
Will lecturers be frank, in sooth?
Will one of them be Dr. Ruth?
Will civil righters raise a din
Re choosing those who’ll be let in?
To qualify and gain entrée
Must one first prove he/she is gay?
Perhaps this will be manifest
By means of an admissions test.
“Don’t ask, don’t tell” no longer applies
Here girls love girls, and guys love guys.
Let’s laud this most distinctive school
Where homo sapiens will rule!
We all salute the board of ed
Which goes where angels fear to tread.