Ramblings of a Faded Screen Idol

By Guest Author

Published July 21, 2006, issue of July 21, 2006.
  • Print
  • Share Share

At a July 12 party sponsored by the Hallmark Channel, Daniel Fienberg, a writer for the entertainment Web site zap2it.com, bumped into 1980s screen star Steve Guttenberg (“Diner,” “Police Academy,” “Short Circuit”). Asked what he has been up to, the actor could scarcely contain his enthusiasm: “I’m doing something, it’s actually called ‘Jew Fever.’ It’s this kind of a cool Hallmark show that I think is going to be sort of a… it’s actually coming from the right, but it’s really cool. It’s about this family, you know. They live in Ohio and they’re farmers and pretty conservative, pretty rightwing, and this Jew comes in, actually comes in from space. I guess he lands on some sort of… I don’t know exactly what the story is. I just thumbed through it. I wasn’t able to bring the script home. But I guess this Martian, sort of like ‘Mork & Mindy.’ He lands in their backyard, big like ‘Superman’ thing, and they run out there and they pop open this egg, and this little Jew jumps out. Now I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not very Jew-y looking. I’m sort of semi-Jew-y looking. I could be maybe Italian? You know, in the right position? But I could be Jew-y, too. So I come out, and I look kind of Jew-y…. I come out as a baby, you know, like a little baby, and I come out and I do sort of a couple minutes with them and I grow up and I sort of jump and you see me doing incredible things like reading the Torah really fast and kissing the mezuza like a thousand times, stuff like that. He’s just a Jew, and he’s just a nervous Jew. And he works in the yeshiva and puts out a yeshiva newsletter, and there he meets Esther.”

A representative of the Hallmark Channel curtly told the Forward that there is no such program in the works.






Find us on Facebook!
  • Should couples sign a pre-pregnancy contract, outlining how caring for the infant will be equally divided between the two parties involved? Just think of it as a ketubah for expectant parents:
  • Many #Israelis can't make it to bomb shelters in time. One of them is Amos Oz.
  • According to Israeli professor Mordechai Kedar, “the only thing that can deter terrorists, like those who kidnapped the children and killed them, is the knowledge that their sister or their mother will be raped."
  • Why does ultra-Orthodox group Agudath Israel of America receive its largest donation from the majority owners of Walmart? Find out here: http://jd.fo/q4XfI
  • Woody Allen on the situation in #Gaza: It's “a terrible, tragic thing. Innocent lives are lost left and right, and it’s a horrible situation that eventually has to right itself.”
  • "Mark your calendars: It was on Sunday, July 20, that the momentum turned against Israel." J.J. Goldberg's latest analysis on Israel's ground operation in Gaza:
  • What do you think?
  • "To everyone who is reading this article and saying, “Yes, but… Hamas,” I would ask you to just stop with the “buts.” Take a single moment and allow yourself to feel this tremendous loss. Lay down your arms and grieve for the children of Gaza."
  • Professor Dan Markel, 41 years old, was found shot and killed in his Tallahassee home on Friday. Jay Michaelson can't explain the death, just grieve for it.
  • Employees complained that the food they received to end the daily fast during the holy month of Ramadan was not enough (no non-kosher food is allowed in the plant). The next day, they were dismissed.
  • Why are peace activists getting beat up in Tel Aviv? http://jd.fo/s4YsG
  • Backstreet's...not back.
  • Before there was 'Homeland,' there was 'Prisoners of War.' And before there was Claire Danes, there was Adi Ezroni. Share this with 'Homeland' fans!
  • BREAKING: Was an Israeli soldier just kidnapped in Gaza? Hamas' military wing says yes.
  • What's a "telegenically dead" Palestinian?
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.