He can get presents for Christmas, they just don’t have to be from Santa.
Then I got married, and my husband, though eager to help and support me, is no more a cook than he is a Jew. It was all up to me.
If, at your core, you don’t respect each other, no amount of shared lineage, or kugel, will help.
Too often in an intermarriage we examine everything through that one lens.
This is not a conversation about intermarriage. This is a conversation about work and it’s time to make a to-do list.
Teshuvah isn’t a discreet experience. It’s part of a much bigger cycle. To celebrate the high holy days divorced from a larger Jewish experience, feels incomplete to me.
Here’s the thing: your grandchildren WILL be raised interfaith.
I’d strive to make Judaism the safe space. The thing she can come back to with a broken heart or complicated friendship. An oasis. Because even when kids seem to be pushing away, they also appreciate comfort, the familiar.
Times of loss or doubt are exactly when a religious community is most important. Not because anyone else can reassure you about the afterlife, but because loss and doubt are truly isolating, and it’s important to know you aren’t alone right now.
I absolutely understand how this feels dishonest for you, and I think I’d probably feel the same. But it’s important to remember that you’re there to do a job. So I’m inclined to ask how that’s going, and whether your lack of Jewish fluency is actually an issue for you, in your ability to carry out your duties. My guess is that it isn’t a problem, and that the only real issue is your internal dissonance over the secret.