With Rep at Stake Drake-Bernie Beef Heats Up

Even as the presidential race heats up, Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders has found his attention sidetracked by another bitter rivalry. For reasons that remain hazy, the Brooklyn-born Vermont socialist is locked in a beef with Canadian-Jewish rapper Drake. Their mutual friend Killer Mike has tried to broker a peace, but to no avail.

The beef recently reached a peak when Sanders and Drake met at an undisclosed neutral location (rumored to be Zingerman’s Deli in Ann Arbor, Mich.) to air their accusations in a freestyle rap battle.

After drawing straws, Sanders went first.

BERNIE:

I’d like to welcome Drake, or should I call you Aubrey?

Yeah, I know your real name. Did your fans not know? I’m sorry!

I always welcome immigrants, but you’re the big exception

I’ll deport you past the border when I win the big election.

My rhymes are gonna school you like when you were at DeGrassi,

You gonna #feeltheBern so hot you gonna call for Lassie.

Is that your hotline blinging? Yo, it might be your mommy,

Here to pick you up before I slice you like pastrami.

I’ll let your Canuck ass leave with just two more Bernie bruises,

Go back to making Christmas trees, maple syrup and Ted Cruzes.

DRAKE:

You laughing at my name and thinking that you is so damn hard?

That’s crazy talking nonsense from a man they call Bernard.

You best not mess with Drake, cuz I’m a proud son of Toronto;

Don’t lecture me, professor, boy you just Liz Warren’s Tonto.

What’s with these rhymes you dropping? You know that they ain’t kosher.

You say you’re from Vermont — that’s just a landlocked Nova Scotia.

You better finish what you started if you want into this game, player,

Or when I finish with this beating you gon’ need our single payer.

You best head back to Killer Mike and learn to drop some beats,

You mess with Drake again and I will smoke you like our meats.

Your pop-gun raps mean nothing when I lay the big artillery,

Now get out from my face or I will beat you like I’m Hillary.

Author

Joanie Weiss
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With Rep at Stake Drake-Bernie Beef Heats Up

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