Disgraced financier Bernard Madoff was re-graced yesterday when the Anti-Defamation League awarded him the Inadvertently Good for the Jews prize for his work in “demolishing a centuries-old stereotype: that Jews are good with money.”
In a lavish ceremony held near the breakfast nook of the Madoffs’ Upper East Side apartment — where Madoff is currently confined to house arrest — ADL National Director Abraham Foxman presented Madoff with the coveted IGFJ prize (the “Igg-Fudge”).
Upon receiving the honor, Madoff was visibly moved, albeit not outside of his electronic security perimeter. Speaking at the podium/wet bar, he pledged to accept the award, and “within six months’ time, turn it into a Nobel Prize.”
The award — a Pyrex figurine depicting a cartoonish “Shylock” figure having his hook nose circumcised — honors “Jews who have subverted, nay, shechted Jewish canards until they’re bloodier than an Aaron’s Best rump roast.”
Past honorees include Paul Wolfowitz in the field of World Mastery, Steve Gutenberg, for Humor and Amy Winehouse, Intelligence.
Still, for some, Madoff is in a category all his own — quite possibly one he invented. “Madoff’s schemes had a ripple effect,” says Neal Isaacson, Tolerated Professor of Judaeophobic Studies at Toronto’s Cartier University. “The alleged Ponzi scheme exposed the financial idiocy of hundreds if not thousands of Jews across the investment world. At last, this shameful, lucrative chapter in our history can be closed.”
Foxman agrees. “With his spectacular loss of billions of dollars,” he said, “Madoff has accomplished what billions of ADL press releases and full-page ads have somehow been unable to.
“It’s a shande for the goyim, and we couldn’t be prouder.”
“The Daily Show” writer Rob Kutner’s annual Purim shpiel, THE SHUSHAN CHANNEL, goes live March 9 at 92Y Tribeca.