The Backward is the Forward’s annual satirical Purim edition. Enjoy!
In an intriguing political development, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu spent a full afternoon of an important diplomatic trip to the nation’s capital cleaning and polishing President Obama’s car.
The Israeli premier denied that political considerations had anything to do with his sudden eagerness to clean the presidential automobile.
“The President and I have always been great buddies,” said a smiling Netanyahu as he vigorously soaped the hubcaps of Obama’s vintage Ford Mustang. “I just wanted to do something nice for my friend when I saw the chance.”
While Netanyahu has spent previous visits to the U.S. hectoring Obama to support Israeli policies, meeting with high-ranking Republicans, and vigorously signaling his displeasure with the President, observers have noted that Netanyahu has seemed exceptionally eager to please on this trip. The President seemed inclined to cut Netanyahu a little slack, even going so far as to give him a second chance to clean some missed spots on the First Vehicle.
Various witnesses have reported seeing Netanyahu shining Obama’s shoes, taking Bo the dog for an early morning walk, fluffing the President’s pillow and freshening the president’s beverage. Netanyahu has also been spotted laughing loudly at several of Obama’s jokes.
Netanyahu’s aides insist that the prime minister’s solicitousness has absolutely nothing to do with his weakened political position in Israel, nor with Obama’s freedom from the whims of Jewish voters and political donors.
“Bibi has always been a friendly, people-pleasing guy,” said spokesman Mark Regev, in response to questions about the changed temperament of his notoriously cagey, antisocial boss. “He’s just glad to do whatever he can to help Barack have a good time, whether it’s scrubbing his toilet or massaging his feet.”
Regev added that he had also seen Michelle Obama gabbing and trading girl talk with Sara Netanyahu, widely referred to in Israel as “Lady Macbeth.”
In other news, former Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney reported that Netanyahu has not been returning his phone calls.