Guide to Israeli Elections as Read by a MacBook

MacBook’s Dictation function / Apple

So, while messing around with my MacBook Pro, I must have inadvertently hit the “fn” button twice, thus triggering the computer’s Dictation function. I’d never tried it before, so I spoke a few sentences into it. It’s actually astoundingly good at converting speech into text.

In advance of the upcoming Israeli elections, I thought I’d try to stump it by dictating the names of Israeli politicians and cabinet members. The results were less encouraging. Here, therefore, is your guide to the 2015 Israeli election as interpreted and transcribed by a Mac:

LIKUD PARTY:

Benjamin Netanyahu: Nothing yahoo
Gilad Erdan: Aragon, you’re done
Silvan Shalom: Sylvana shalom
Yisrael Katz: Israel Katz
Danny Danon: Danny done on
Moshe Ya’alon: Moshe you are alone
Ze’ev Elkin: Set of Elton
Tzipi Hotovely: To be a totally
Yariv Levin: Your evil Levin
Yuli Edelstein: You like Apple store
Haim Katz: Fighting cats
Miri Regev: . Marriott Regular
Moshe Feiglin: Moshe 51
Yuval Steinitz: You’ve all-star nuts
Tzachi Hanegbi: Cioffi: Hi baby sake
Limor Livnat: Anymore leave not

JEWISH HOME PARTY:

Uri Ariel: Laurie Ariel
Naftali Bennett: Left Tony Bennett
Nissan Slomiansky: Misunderstood me on ski
Eli Ben-Dahan: Eli Benda hung
Ayelet Shaked: Toilet Shut
Uri Orbach: Or he or Buck
Zvulun Kalfa: Slim colorful
Avi Wortzman: I’ll be working
Moti Yogev: Motive yoga
Ori Strook: Or a stroke
Yoni Chetboun: Sour money check boo
Shuli Mualem: Shortly while I’m

LABOR PARTY:

Shelly Yachomovich: [Expletive deleted]
Isaac Herzog: Isaac Herzog
Eitan Cabel: Anton Cabell
Merav Michaeli: Moraine McHenry
Binyamin Ben-Eliezer: Neing you mean Ben Elliott
Yehiel Bar: Your fuel bar
Omar Bar-Lev: Omar Barletta
Stav Shaffir: Stock show fear
Avishay Braverman: Of the Shea Braverman
Erel Margalit: Errol Marguerite

HATNUAH PARTY:

Tzipi Livni: Sydney Lip Name
Amram Mitzna: I’m a rum mix up
Amir Peretz: On their parents
Elazar Stern: analyzer Stern
David Tzur: David;s sure
Meir Sheetrit: Where she tripped

YISRAEL BEITEINU:

Avigdor Leiberman: On the door Lieberman
Uzi Landau: Losey Londal
Yitzhak Arahonovich: [Expletives deleted]
Sofa Landver: Sofa lunch or
Orly Levy: Orally leaving
Shimon Ohayon: Shimon Ohio
David Rotem: David wrote him
Faina Kirschenbaum: Fighting a Christian home
Robert Ilatov: Robert little
Hamad Omar: Ahmad Omar
Yair Shamir: Got your Shamir

The views and opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Forward.

Author

Adam Langer

Adam Langer

Adam Langer is the Forward’s culture editor. Born and raised in Chicago, he now lives in New York. He has written plays, films, criticism and a memoir, but most of the time, he writes novels.
He is the author of the novels “Crossing California,” “The Washington Story,” “Ellington Boulevard,” “The Thieves of Manhattan” and “The Salinger Contract” as well as the memoir “My Father’s Bonus March.”

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