It's All About Balance

I hear you! In my family we joke that in planning weddings there were more cultural clashes between a marriage of East Coast Jews and West Coast Jews than when I married a fellow Californian who isn’t Jewish. Oh and don’t get me started on the Seder I went to during college at a friend’s house that was such a snoozefest. No WONDER people think Jewish traditions are boring! I would too if that was my experience. But alas mine is full of yelling, debating, laughing, singing, talking over each other and, sometimes, not really listening.

It seems like you really like your in-laws. So that’s great! Still, one of the craziest parts of getting married is becoming part of a new family and it can be overwhelming. (Though don’t forget, your husband is probably feeling the same way about yours too.)

The main issue here is a balance of being respectful and being comfortable. You have to be who you are, but you can’t change who they are either. Luckily, it sounds like they are pretty decent people and I bet that they love your openness and warmth (just like their son does). I would stick with being loud and open, but maybe make the gentle ribbing EXTRA gentle because ribbing is personal and if someone isn’t equipped to laugh at themselves, it could be very hurtful. When you are at a big family event on their side, it’s always good to calibrate to the room.

Of course, when they are in your house, you can set a different tone. Help them let down their hair. Your jokes can be a bit saltier and you can make fun of yourself a bit to show them how it’s done. You can’t change them, but people evolve, especially when they see how much fun you are having.

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It's All About Balance

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