Forward.com

Filthy Yiddish Jokes, in Volume

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 13:31:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: Mameloshn abounds with dirty sayings — a fact made evident in a newly re-published book, “Yiddish Sayings Mama Never Taught You.” Some believe the volume will encourage young students of the language.

The Running Rabbis

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:26:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: “The Running Rabbis” is a group of young rabbis, cantors and rabbinical and cantorial students. They raise money for charities by participating in marathons. So far they have contributed almost $30,000 to various worthy causes.

Jews Choose Tattoos

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:57:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: More Jews are wearing tattoos, according to observers of that scene, including artists who specialize in the area and rabbis who have notices an upsurge of branding in their congregations.

The Screw Tightens on Roman Polanski

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:04:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: Famed filmmaker Roman Polanski pleaded guilty, 31 years ago, to unlawful sex with a 13-year-old girl. He then fled the country to avoid punishment. Today, at the age of 76, he is being detained by Swiss authorities, at the request of U.S. officials seeking his extradition.

The Blackmail Mess at CBS

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:42:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: David Letterman, host of CBS’s “Late Show,” shocked his national audience by announcing he had engaged in sex with some of his program’s female employees and that a CBS producer had tried to extort $2 million from him by threatening to reveal those indiscretions.

Obama Addresses the School-Kids

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 22:47:00 EST

Republicans are mighty pissed/At Washington’s chief “socialist”/Who spoke to students nationwide./“Subversive bilge!” these critics cried.

Fake Shofars Blow No Good

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 18:43:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: Some Israeli religious authorities are concerned about the recurrence of a problem that came to light last year: the sale of non-kosher shofars.

Sex — Is It Good For The Jews?

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 11:16:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: “The Passionate Torah: Sex and Judaism” — that’s the title of an anthology just published by New York University Press. It explores what the Torah has to say about sex.

New York Police Revert to Type

Thu, 30 Jul 2009 14:19:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: New York City is spending nearly $1 million on new typewriters for its Police Department. Mayor Michael Bloomberg expressed shock at the purchase. “Why are they using any is the question you should ask, and where do you find them?” the mayor said. “That was the thing that I thought about. I didn’t think anybody made them anymore.”

British Lawmakers Elect First Jewish Speaker

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:04:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: For the first time in its long history, the British parliament elected a Jewish speaker of the House of Commons. He is John Bercow, 46, the son of a taxi driver. The leader of Bercow’s Conservative Party, David Cameron, hailed the historic occasion: “I would also like to put on record an historical first that you have achieved which is to be the first person of the Jewish faith to occupy the office of speaker of the House of Commons and it is a milestone that we should mark.”

State Left Unmanned in Dixie-Land

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 16:39:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford disappeared for a week, explaining he would be hiking in the mountains on vacation. Actually, he engaged in a secret tryst in Argentina with his inamorata.

Bar Mitzvah Behind Bars

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:22:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: A wealthy inmate was allowed to host a lavish bar mitzvah for his son at the Manhattan lockup known as the Tombs.

White House Is Bugged by Flies

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:02:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: For inexplicable reasons, the White House is being assailed by swarms of flies, creating a massively embarrassing and annoying situation.

That Word’s Taboo, Describing Flu!

Thu, 28 May 2009 12:41:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: Israel’s deputy health minister, at a press conference dealing with the influenza problem, scrupulously avoided using the phrase “swine flu.” Ultra-Orthodox, he apparently regarded that expression as non-kosher and thus unfit for utterance; instead, he stuck to “Mexican flu.”

Israeli Army Frowns on Beards

Thu, 14 May 2009 12:14:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: The Israeli military has issued new regulations that impose greater restrictions on the ability of soldiers to grow beards. Religious soldiers are still allowed to have facial hair, but now they must get authorization from their units’ rabbis and commanders — a policy that has come in for some criticism. Recently, an Orthodox army rabbi refused to allow Conservative Jewish soldiers to claim a religious exemption from the beard ban.

Specter, the Defector

Wed, 06 May 2009 17:38:00 EST

A Republican defector:
Party-switch by Arlen Specter.

She Touched the Queen — Quite Unforeseen!

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:57:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: Michelle Obama, our first lady, may have unwittingly committed a breach of British etiquette when she embraced Queen Elizabeth. Though a spokesperson for the Queen says that “no offense” was taken and that there was “no breach of protocol” (and some argue the Queen hugged first), the incident had people chattering on both sides of the Atlantic.

Genital Integrity Awareness

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:13:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: Opponents of circumcision have just marked Genital Integrity Awareness Week by staging a march from the White House to the Capitol. Among those who adhere to this point of view is a group called Jews Against Circumcision. They can point to the fact that Jonas Salk was among the Nobel laureates who petitioned the World Court to end circumcision.

Porn Industry Seeks Federal Bailout

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:21:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: The porn industry, hit by the economic downturn, needs a $5 billion bailout from the federal government — so says Hustler publisher Larry Flynt.

A Longer Lash Could Be a Smash

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:01:00 EST

NEWS ITEM: The Food and Drug Administration approved a new prescription drug that will grow longer, lusher lashes.