Scroll through the parody Twitter account JewishBoy Problems, and you’ll be met with the following hot button topics. Excessive hairiness, digestive problems, concerned mothers and JSwipe – basically a collection of the most relatable topics for Jewish men (and, let’s be real, Jewish women, alike).
The creator of the account, who remains anonymous in interviews to maintain his Twitter’s parody persona, started JewishBoy Problems back in 2010, from his college dorm room. It now has 27,900 followers.
“I thought, wouldn’t it be funny to write about something I know? And that’s being Jewish,” he said in a phone interview. “I started to go through my social media feed from people I knew from Hebrew school, high school and college and aggregated everything I was seeing.”
The term JewishBoy Problems was pulled from his own college friend group’s lexicon.
“I went to school in upstate New York where it was usually cold, wet and snowy. One night, I told my friend I really didn’t feel like going out because I knew if we went to a bar I would lose my North Face jacket there with everyone else’s,” he recalled. “And my friend was like, that’s Jew boy problems.”
The account isn’t just about the boys, though. Every week, there’s a tradition called #TextsFromMomTuesday, a call-to-action for Twitter users to submit the most ridiculous texts they get from their Jewish mothers. Unsurprisingly, food, matchmaking, inclement weather and Seder plans are at the very top of the list.
We pulled together some of the very best JewishBoy Problems. Enjoy, and don’t forget to call your mother.
We all know someone who “peaked” during sleepaway camp.— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) April 5, 2017
Taking solace in knowing my Hebrew School bully has early-onset male-pattern baldness at age 26. #JewishBoyProblems— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) April 1, 2017
Honestly “Jewish and UPENN” was all I needed to hear.— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) March 19, 2017
@JewBoyProblems my mother who doesnt even live in nyc is trying to convince me that it isnt snowing #textsfrommomtuesday pic.twitter.com/jyV5bovgIR— Adam (@AdamXBlk) March 14, 2017
My Hebrew School crush is currently dating a man with a receding hairline. Meanwhile, I find hair in a new place each day.— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) March 9, 2017
I might be the only 20-something Jew in NYC who doesn’t see a therapist.— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) February 27, 2017
My weekly cleaning routine involves Swiffering up errant body hair.— JewishBoy Problems (@JewBoyProblems) February 20, 2017
@JewBoyProblems #textfrommomtuesday mom’s thoughts on Adele. pic.twitter.com/1tIDbawv7U— Andi London (@arl727) February 14, 2017
With Donald Trump in Israel on his first trip abroad as President of the United States, plenty has been written of his promise to solve the Israel-Palestine conflict. None of them capture the futility of Trump’s quest (“if Jared Kushner can’t produce peace in the Middle East, nobody can”) quite like this headline from ClickHole:
It is possible that President Trump will do what nobody before him has been able to: successfully navigate one of the most complicated geopolitical conflicts in modern history. But it is equally possible that he will look out over the sea of Knesset Members and tell them that “I’m inspired by the dedication of this student body and honored that you would allow me to speak at your university.”
We have long been fans of ClickHole’s witty takes on political happenings. In honor of President Trump’s foray into Middle Eastern politics, here are five other times that ClickHole has nailed the Israel-Palestine conflict.
1) We Took An Israeli Child And A Palestinian Child And Put Them Together In The Same Room. And We’re Going To Keep Them.
Favorite line: “These children happened to be born on different sides of a war, but really they’re not so different. They both love soccer. They both like to whistle. They’re both very bright and well behaved. Overall, we think they’re top-notch. And we’re never letting them go.”
Favorite line: “Still don’t believe me? Here are some people who are not Jewish: Emma Watson, Beyoncé, former president Jimmy Carter, Jennifer Lopez, Kim Jong-un, and Shaquille O’Neal.”
Favorite line: “A quick video that explains the conflict in terms we can all understand.” (Really, you just need to watch the video).
4) Progress: Bertolli Is Finally Recognizing Palestine On Its Homepage’s ‘Choose Your Country’ Drop-Down
The United States does not recognize Palestine as a nation. Neither do Israel, the U.K., Italy, and dozens of other nations. But you know who does? Bertolli, an Italian food brand specializing in tomato sauce and olive oil.
Favorite line: “It’s hard to say whether this will change any minds about Palestine’s ongoing struggle for independence, but one thing is clear: The people of Palestine have a friend in Bertolli.”
“This story is proof that there is more that unites us than divides us. Get ready to feel inspired!”
“Saturday Night Live” is losing its bar mitzvah boy.
Vanessa Bayer bid adieu to the comedy sketch show on Saturday night, after seven years as a cast member. We’re mourning Bayer’s departure (and celebrating many more years of on-screen hilarity to come!) by counting down some of the comedian’s best SNL impressions.
Could Bayer’s Rachel Green impression BE more on point? Bonus points that Aniston joins in on this sketch, and gives us a massive heaping of 90’s nostalgia. No, really, try watching this and not wanting to immediately curl up for an endless “Friends” binge watch.
Bayer completely nails a young Miley Cyrus, congested voice, rhinestone tank top and all.
Jacob the Bar Mitzvah Boy
Jacob is quite possibly every New York-based Jewish 13-year-old boy (with the small exception of those preteen kids who were fortunate enough to be graced with coolness).
The Inept Meteorologist
Bayer’s Dawn Lazarus hasn’t quite gotten the hang of being a meteorologist, but she’s sure having a great time trying.
Only a brief cameo — but it’s hard to pass up any opportunity to watch Bayer rapping as Tiffany Trump.
President Donald Trump may not be Jewish, but it seems his hair can sure play the part.
Don’t look so sad @realDonaldTrump, they have a really nice wall, but you still can’t have one. #VarucaSalt @Rosie @JohnLeguizamo @robreiner pic.twitter.com/WEvM1fKODQ— #TrumpChats (@BrockMathias1) May 22, 2017
@POTUS @realDonaldTrump and @FLOTUS @MELANIATRUMP The first President to visit the Western Wall🙏🏻 🇮🇱🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/niflN5mmcG— Nathan D. Wilson🇺🇸 (@NathanDWilsonFL) May 22, 2017
Watch for the full effect:
VIDEO: Donald Trump becomes the first sitting U.S. president to visit Jerusalem’s Western Wall #POTUSinIsrael pic.twitter.com/gjAbGuTUJM— Avi Mayer (@AviMayer) May 22, 2017
In 2002, Mark Zuckerberg (clad in tasteful plaid pajamas) checked his email to find out whether he’d been accepted to Harvard. His dad, Edward Zuckerberg, filmed the occasion. And plotzed. The more sanguine Zuckerberg, his son, sat fairly calmly on the bed, processing what that acceptance meant.
What neither of them knew then was that Mark Zuckerberg would never earn that degree.
Mark posted the video because he’s about to go back to Harvard to give the commencement address and accept an honorary degree.
As Dan Sachs, a colleague of Zuckerberg, posted to Facebook’s CEO page, that’s a “[v]ery roundabout way to avoid Harvard’s core curriculum requirements.”
To which Zuckerberg replied, “That was definitely not my plan. Although before I went to college, my mom bet me I’d drop out and my younger sister bet me she’d finish college before me. I bet them I’d get a degree. Now I suppose the cycle is complete.”
To the extent that an honorary degree is actually a degree, I suppose he’s right, but his younger sister earned hers, whereas Zuckerberg has, basically, bought his. Mind you, it’s definitely worth giving up a Harvard degree to become the richest and most influential (not most powerful) person in the world. (Though it wouldn’t be worth giving up a Yale degree for that.)
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