The Schmooze

The War on Hanukkah is Real — Your Chocolate Maccabees are Really Santas

Dear friends, winter is coming. And with the cold wind comes the war on Hanukkah. It’s real, and it’s Santa shaped.

When Jennie Rivlin Roberts, owner of Modern Tribe, ordered these cute maccabees made out of chocolate — the very same chocolate used to make their seasonal gelt coins — to sell to her Jewish customers, she probably thought: They’re adorable, Jewish, kosher and delicious. What could possibly go wrong?

Little did she know.

In fact, those cute maccabees are but a chocolaty Trojan horse! Inside the wrapping of proud foil Jewish warriors, an army of Santas is hidden, ready to remind unsuspecting Jewish children their holiday is so second-rate, it can’t even afford its own Maccabee-shaped chocolate molds.

Observe:

When Rivlin Roberts found out about this deception, she was obviously shocked: “The next thing I did was call our supplier, who are way more observant Jews than I, who basically said, ‘Yeah, what of it?’ They said they couldn’t afford to purchase a new chocolate mold and chose, instead, to use the chocolate company’s Santa mold. His question to me was, “is this blasphemous or offensive to someone, what’s the big deal”?”

Blasphemy! Hanukkah, the festival of lights, one of the greatest Jewish holidays that has no basis in the Bible, deserves better than second hand Christmas molds!

My friends, it’s time to take on this battle against our beloved holiday. Others are already massing on the front lines, and we must join them. Only we can make Hanukkah great again!

Perhaps if we all pool our gelt together, we can help the company purchase new molds.

In the meantime, ModernTribe is keeping its costumers up-to-date about what it plans to do with the previously purchased chocolate.

What do you think? Let us know in the comments.

[H/T Heeb]

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The War on Hanukkah is Real — Your Chocolate Maccabees are Really Santas

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