The Schmooze

Celebrities School Us on How NOT To Apologize Ahead of Yom Kippur

Attention everybody gearing up to apologize to those you’ve wronged before Yom Kippur. We’ve got a crib sheet for you.

Namely, a round-up of all the lamest public apologies over the years (we’re looking at you Shia Labeouf) and how you can do better.

The “My Wife Made Me Apologize” Apology

Fox News co-hosts Greg Gutfeld and Eric Bolling were pretty amused by the fact that it was Maj. Mariam Al Mansouri, reportedly the first female pilot in the United Arab Emirates Air Force, who led airstrikes against ISIS. Gutfield quipped, “Problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn’t park it”—to which Bolling responded: “Would that be considered boobs on the ground or no?”

Turns out, Bolling’s wife wasn’t too happy about that comment.

“I made a joke and when I got home, I got the look,” Bolling later said. “I said sorry to my wife and I apologize to you all and want to make that very clear.”

The “I Choose Irony” Apology

When Shia Labeouf was caught plagiarizing cartoonist Daniel Clowes’ work for his film “HowardCantour.com,” he repented—by further plagiarizing. First came an earnest apology, saying he was “embarrassed” and explained how moved he had been by Clowes’ work.

He then proceeded to Tweet a series of apology messages—all ripped directly from apologies courtesy of Mark Zuckerberg, UK Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and film director Lars von Trier.

Sorry, not sorry?

The “Fix It So You Don’t Have to Apologize” Apology

After Taylor Swift penned a strongly worded open letter to Apple about failing to pay artists during user’s three-month trial period, the company completely changed course. Eddy Cue, Apple’s senior vice president, tweeted that they “heard” Swift, and would be paying the artists during customer’s trial period.

Boom.

The “It’s Not Me, It’s You” Apology

It all started when Alec Baldwin wanted to play a little game of “Words With Friends” before his flight took off. A flight attendant asked him to turn off his phone, and a heated exchanged followed. American Airlines said Baldwin was “extremely rude to the crew, calling them inappropriate names and using offensive language.”

Baldwin later apologized to his fellow passengers but said he would never fly American Airlines again. The airline, he said, was “where retired Catholic school gym teachers from the 1950’s find jobs as flight attendants.”

Thea Glassman is an Associate Editor at the Forward. Reach her at glassman@forward.com or on Twitter at @theakglassman.

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Celebrities School Us on How NOT To Apologize Ahead of Yom Kippur

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