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Learn how to tell someone you are not interested
Ghosting must be the new black because I swear I hear the same damn story from London to Paris to New York: Men and women alike simply disappear into thin air while we are left to wonder if we did something to offend them or if they found a new shiny toy. Yes, nobody owes us anything, but there is a better way to “break up” with someone in the early stages. Have the courtesy and guts to communicate to someone that you are not interested in moving forward with them. I know, it takes courage and does not feel super comfy, but that’s what being a grown-up is all about: sometimes we must do things that are outside of our comfort zone, right? If you are on the receiving end of that text, please don’t obsess over why they are not into you. Let it go and leave the door wide open for someone more compatible to come into your life.
Don’t make yourself date someone there is no chemistry with
I hear this line all the time: “But Sonya, he’s so good on paper. He would make the perfect husband!” Been there, done that. One time, I spent all morning googling if it was possible for chemistry to evolve later between two people. I read all sorts of expert opinions and psychology publications, and arrived at the conclusion that chemistry is chemistry. Don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to settle down with someone there’s simply no chemistry with. And don’t string them along no matter how nice of a person he or she is. You will always feel like something is missing. Don’t lie to yourself, or him or her. If you don’t really feel it in your heart and gut, then it is time to say goodbye.
Broaden your horizons
We all have that one friend who rejects all the single guys you try to set her up with. Why? Because she’s stuck on a certain “type” and wouldn’t know the right guy if he was standing in front of her by refusing to see past her blinders. This is the number one mistake most single people make. Once you get stuck on a certain “type,” you refuse to give others a chance. All my single ladies, I don’t need to tell you that it’s a struggle out there. Don’t narrow down your dating pool even more because I guarantee that you will miss out on great opportunities! Sample from the entire tasting menu! Get out of your own head and broaden your horizons.
Don’t pretend to be someone else
Dressing a certain way is fine. I personally like it when a guy asks me to wear something he thinks looks good on me. However, if you are forcing yourself to like all of his activities and interests, then you are setting yourself up for disaster. Be who you are from the start. It’s ok to like different things. No, it doesn’t mean you don’t belong together if you like oldies and he’s into Metallica. Yes, it’s brownie points for both of you to compromise and do an activity together that one of you enjoys more than the other. Be supportive of his or her interests but also be proud to have your own!
Stop stressing and overanalyzing everything
Guilty as charged. It truly gets too much at times with everything going on between work, traveling, family, trying to keep in shape, dating and wondering what the hell you are doing wrong while everyone around you is getting married and having babies. We give ourselves so much anxiety over things that are simply out of our control. Just breathe. I recently read a book that I recommend to everyone called “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. There is a beautiful quote that should become your mantra: “Do not be concerned about the future; keep your attention on today, stay in the present moment. Love one day at a time.” Relax, love one day at a time and love will come find you on a day you least expect it.
Sonya Kreizman is the co-founder and CEO of Crush Mobile, a company that develops mobile dating apps like JCrush and MiCrush, targeted at specific singles markets across the world. Sonya is responsible for managing day-to-day operations such as overseeing developers, designers, marketing strategy and most importantly, answering each and every dating question sent by an existing or future user. Her no-nonsense, pragmatic advice has been heralded by many critics, especially within the dating app scene. It is Sonya’s wide-ranging knowledge of millennials and online dating that has set her apart from the rest. In a business where most “dating coaches” have a book and a couple of life experiences as credibility, Sonya is the only dating app CEO offering real time advice. As online dating and traditional dating quickly become part of the same fabric, Sonya’s words are proven more and more invaluable.