Purim


Iran on Verge of Creating Cinema Bomb

By Rob Kutner

It appears that years of unflagging effort, dire warnings and sanctions may all have been for naught. Hollywood insiders are warning that the Islamic Republic of Iran has acquired both the materials and technological wherewithal to launch a motion picture guaranteed to bomb catastrophically worldwide.Read More


How the French Put the Olé Into Idiolect

By Phil O’Lologous

‘Who put the condom in condominium?” asks avid reader Hugo Hefnerovich: more as an accusation than as a question. Despite the tone, the inquiry is worthy of further investigation, since the French inventor of the sheep gut prophylactic was a descendant of Rashi who had fled south from Troyes to the eponymous town of Condom near the Spanish border. The popular American brand, indeed, still carries the name of Rashi’s home town.Read More


Natalie Portman’s Guide to Motherhood and Parenting

I’m 7 months pregnant, and I’m already exhausted! I can’t imagine how I’m going to manage when the baby is actually born. Any tips for dealing with the fatigue of being an expectant mother?Read More


You Have Beards? We Have Beards!

By Arthur Chinscratch

As excitement mounts for April’s upcoming International Facial Hair Festival in Götterdämmerung, Germany, organizers were delighted to announce a détente between the strong Pan-Muslim team, “Wahhabi Warriors,” and the much-fancied “Israel Right or Wrong” team.Read More


Commission Calls For Immediate ‘Chaiflation’

By Joel Cohen

A joint commission of Israeli and Jewish communal leaders is urging that the numerical translation of the word “chai,” long associated with good luck, be changed from 18 to 25 as a form of economic stimulus.Read More


Glenn Beck Embraces His Yiddishkeit With Open Arms

Following the recent revelations that Glenn Beck (born Beckershteyn) shares the Jewish genetic marker, the Cohen Modal haplotype, he has been brushing up on his Yiddish and planning his holidays. Later this year he will be making the pilgrimage to Uman, and in his backpack will be an early draft of Eric Yoffie’s autobiograpy that he’s promised to blurb.Read More


A Partial Retraction

This paper prides itself on its editorial independence and its willingness to speak the truth, however unpopular. But after due consideration, we at the Backward have concluded that some elements of last week’s editorial, “You Asked For It,” do not stand up to scrutiny:Read More


Backward: A Video

By Forward Staff

In the spirit of Purim, Forward staffers set out to learn what New Yorkers knew about Jews.Read More


A Kindler, Gentler Jihad

By Forward Staff

Palestinian Islamic Jihad is undergoing a multimillion dollar image makeover and will now be known simply as “jihad,” the militant organization announced in February.Read More


Eternally Wandering Jew Comes Home

By Backward Staff Writer

The eternally wandering Jew, long thought to be a legendary figure from Christian tales, recently arrived home safely, clutching a cup of Mochaccino.TMRead More


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