Purim


Remembering a Master Denier — and a Dear Friend

By Ilan Stavans

As the world prepares to formulate its elegies and encomiums for the great Cándido López, it will no doubt damn him with faint praise as its leading Holocaust denier.Read More


Weaponizing Lieberman; Keeping Up With the Shalits; Juicing Jews

This week, staffers discuss Israel’s threat to launch Avigdor Lieberman, strife in the Shalit home and will Samson beat doping charges?Read More


Moses Calls For Global Support of Pharaoh

By Joanie Weiss

The leaders of the Israelite tribe are publicly supporting the regime of the Egyptian Pharaoh despite ongoing protests, and their own recent conflicts with the Middle Eastern despot.Read More


Gabby Giffords Recovering, Developing New Powers

By Ian Fist

The recovery of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords from her shooting on January 8 in Tucson, Ariz., continues apace. Doctors confirm that, although still in the early stages of physical rehabilitation, she is now debating Talmud with leading scholars.Read More


Iran on Verge of Creating Cinema Bomb

By Rob Kutner

It appears that years of unflagging effort, dire warnings and sanctions may all have been for naught. Hollywood insiders are warning that the Islamic Republic of Iran has acquired both the materials and technological wherewithal to launch a motion picture guaranteed to bomb catastrophically worldwide.Read More


How the French Put the Olé Into Idiolect

By Phil O’Lologous

‘Who put the condom in condominium?” asks avid reader Hugo Hefnerovich: more as an accusation than as a question. Despite the tone, the inquiry is worthy of further investigation, since the French inventor of the sheep gut prophylactic was a descendant of Rashi who had fled south from Troyes to the eponymous town of Condom near the Spanish border. The popular American brand, indeed, still carries the name of Rashi’s home town.Read More


Natalie Portman’s Guide to Motherhood and Parenting

I’m 7 months pregnant, and I’m already exhausted! I can’t imagine how I’m going to manage when the baby is actually born. Any tips for dealing with the fatigue of being an expectant mother?Read More


You Have Beards? We Have Beards!

By Arthur Chinscratch

As excitement mounts for April’s upcoming International Facial Hair Festival in Götterdämmerung, Germany, organizers were delighted to announce a détente between the strong Pan-Muslim team, “Wahhabi Warriors,” and the much-fancied “Israel Right or Wrong” team.Read More


Commission Calls For Immediate ‘Chaiflation’

By Joel Cohen

A joint commission of Israeli and Jewish communal leaders is urging that the numerical translation of the word “chai,” long associated with good luck, be changed from 18 to 25 as a form of economic stimulus.Read More


Glenn Beck Embraces His Yiddishkeit With Open Arms

Following the recent revelations that Glenn Beck (born Beckershteyn) shares the Jewish genetic marker, the Cohen Modal haplotype, he has been brushing up on his Yiddish and planning his holidays. Later this year he will be making the pilgrimage to Uman, and in his backpack will be an early draft of Eric Yoffie’s autobiograpy that he’s promised to blurb.Read More


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