Siegelmania


A Longer Lash Could Be a Smash

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: The Food and Drug Administration approved a new prescription drug that will grow longer, lusher lashes.Read More


The Gargantuan Gonif

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: Bernard Madoff, a heretofore widely respected New York financier, has been charged by federal authorities with master-minding a massive alleged Ponzi scheme — assumed to be the largest in history. Madoff has played an active role within the Jewish community. Read More


Will Subway Riders Take a Stand?

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: Straphangers in the New York City subway system are faced with the prospect of having nowhere to sit. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority plans to eliminate seats in certain trains during rush hours in order to accommodate greater numbers of passengers.Read More


'Sacred Vows, Secret Affairs'

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: In a televised report entitled “Sacred Vows, Secret Affairs,” CBS News uncovered a surprising degree of sexual immorality in New York’s ultra-Orthodox community, a group famously known for high standards of righteous behavior. Cited as one causative factor was the prevalence of pre-arranged marriage, causing unhappy spouses to seek fulfillment elsewhere.Read More


Hail to the Chief (of Staff)

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: President-elect Obama named Rahm Emanuel, a Jewish congressman, White House chief of staff.Read More


In the White House: A Fresh Em-bark-ation

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: President-elect Barack Obama has promised his daughters a puppy when the family moves into the White House.Read More


Jewish Questions Arise in Beijing

By Stanley Siegelman

Oh, who will light symbolic flames
At China’s great Olympic Games?
Perhaps officials will employ
A conflagrative Shabbos goy?Read More


Giraffe Milk Is Kosher

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: An Israeli rabbi, an authority on kashrut, declared that giraffe milk is kosher. Said he: “The giraffe has all the signs of a ritually pure animal, and the milk that forms curds strengthened that.” The rabbi based his ruling on a recent finding by researchers at Bar Ilan University who had taken a milk sample while treating an ailing giraffe.Read More


Jesse Jackson’s Cutting Comment

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: In a burst of anger over a speech delivered by Barack Obama, the Rev. Jesse Jackson told a colleague that he felt like castrating the presidential contender. Jackson did not realize his remark was being picked up by a live microphone.Read More


When Flocks Unfrock

By Stanley Siegelman

NEWS ITEM: Time Magazine reports that some Protestant churches oriented toward young adults are urging married couples to have “not just better sex, but more of it.” Pastors point to Genesis, Chapter 2, verse 24, which says a man “shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.”Read More


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