Senator-Elect Scott Brown Channels His Inner Jewish Mother
Dear Ayla and Arianna Brown:
I have an explanation for your father’s election night announcement that you are both “available” to meet men: He was simply channeling his inner Jewish mother. Ladies, your dad probably just wants you to be happy, healthy and, in the not-too-distant future, married (as long as it’s to to a person of the opposite sex).
I feel your pain. A red-hot wave of embarrassment still comes over me when I think of how my own Jewish mother once flaunted my own availability.
More than two decades ago, my mother was paying a condolence call to a friend — prime territory for parental fix-ups — where she met a professional matchmaker, named Harriet. Armed with her usual stack of photographs, my mother waved my image in front of Harriet’s face. The matchmaker called me the next day peddling “lovely” Jewish attorneys, doctors and other professional men. I will never forget Harriet’s grating voice and her skewed observation that my mother only wanted the best for me. Only now that I have a dating-age daughter of my own do I give Harriet some credit.
So Ayla and Arianna, give your Dad a break. His tactics were obviously effective. I read in the newspaper that Ayla’s Facebook mailbox was clogged with almost 2,000 friend requests, including from a slew of potential suitors. Sure, asking Mitt Romney if he had any sons to sell to him went a step too far. But you can set him straight, ladies. Just dust off that old chestnut that money can’t buy you love.