Posts Tagged: Dating Results 17
Emily Shire has an essay up at the Daily Beast whose headline reads, “How Does A Single Jew Find a Nice Goy To Date?” A catchy headline for sure, but one whose answer is, in effect, ‘By leaving the house.’ Or not even, in the age of apps. Unlike early 19th century France, when Napoleon very much wanted Jews to marry out, but there was little reason to think non-Jews were prepared to invite Jews into their families, in 21st century America, it’s easier, all things equal, for a (secular) Jew to marry out than in.
In one of the most remarkable moments in Paula Schargodorosky’s documentary, “35 and Single,” the viewer sees director, producer, and writer Schargodorosky in profile, with a handwritten list beside her face that reads: “25% of me wants to get married, 27% wants to be free, 26% longs for a spiritual life, 22% wants children.”
The recent publication of “Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game” by Jon Birger and his accompanying piece in TIME has set off a flurry of discussion on demographics in dating. Josh Yuter’s response in the Sisterhood, for example, critically examined the so-called Shidduch crisis and found the argument wanting. I read his piece with great interest and mostly in agreement. I, as an individual, as a single person, am not a crisis. I do not believe my unmarried life to be a tragedy or a disaster — it is my life — my friends and my family, my home, my career, in fits and starts. We would do well indeed to start treating people as individuals and allow them to find their own happiness.
I once joked that if New York is such a great place to meet people then why are there so many singles out there? Lo and behold, there might actually be an answer. Writing in TIME, Jon Birger, author of “Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game” a new book on dating, blames demographics. Because there are more available women than men, a sort of paradox of choice effect arises where men are freer to be more selective due to the greater number of options, even if it means they never actually find someone. Dates for men become a form of comparison shopping while women face the burden of impressing the very people who are constantly looking for something better.
“Don’t let a boy ever pay for your dinner,” my mother warned me when I entered my teens. “You must have a say about where you’re going and what you’re doing.”