Coming Clean About JDate

Dear Ayelet,

For the past year, I’ve been dating a man I met on JDate. I’d venture to say that he’s “the one” — and we’re already talking about engagement, marriage, children (hopefully in that order). Here’s the thing: We haven’t been honest with most of our friends and even some of our family members — including his parents and older sister — about how we met. Now, I know that many, many happy couples meet on JDate and that the stigma of online dating is almost nonexistent these days. But it has always felt more comfortable for us to tell people that we met “through a mutual friend” than to tell them that we met online.

Our white lie has become problematic when the question of how we met comes up when we’re with a group of people — some whom we have told the truth, and some whom we have told the “mutual friend” story. Is it okay to keep up the ruse? Or should we just come clean to those we have deceived? And, if so, how should we explain to them our decision to lie in the first place?


Ayelet Waldman is the author of the novels “Daughter’s Keeper” and “Love and Other Impossible Pursuits.” She also penned seven installments of the “Mommy-Track Mystery” series. Her non-fiction book “Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace” will be published in May by Doubleday. Her Web site is

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Coming Clean About JDate

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