Oppressive autarch of the Backward since 2009. Brooks no dissent.
Ian Fist
By Ian Fist
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News Trump Intent On Moving The Capital To Jerusalem
“Today we finally acknowledge the obvious: that Jerusalem is Israel’s capital,” President Trump said while hoping he’d used the right denture fixative. “This is nothing more or less than a recognition of reality,” he purred, warming his hands at a beautiful clean coal fire. “It is also the right thing to do. It’s something that…
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News A Backward Move Sideways
Dear Reader: It is with excitement that we announce that this will be the final issue of the Backward as you have known it for five thousand years. After several re-envisioning sessions, numerous re-imagining focus groups and senior management offsite retreats in Hawaii, the Bahamas and the spas of Jerusalem (the eternal capital of the…
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News Mensch And Bubermensch
Eddie Buber, the dissolute twin of revered philosopher Martin Buber, had a bad time of it at the Charlottesville march when his beard caught on fire. The philosopher — famous for his “I-Thou” characterization of his relationship with God — has described his relationship with Eddie as “decidedly I-It.” For more on the story that…
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News 75 Years Too Late, Poland Bans The Holocaust
“Don’t blame us for genocide, or we’ll kill you,” warns premier Alfred E. Duda. For more on the story that is rocking the nation, click here.
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News The Last Jedi Advises The Jewish Community
Yoda, famous for his magic powers and inability to master basic English grammar, has an exhortation for the Jewish community. “Invest in Jedi Day Schools, you must.” For more on the story that is rocking the nation, click here.
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News Being ‘White’ Was Fun While It Lasted
Editorial Well, we had a great run there. It was probably too good to last forever – downright ahistorical, when you come right down to it. But someday in the future, as we huddle together for safety, we’ll tell our children tales of that brief shining moment when we Jews were white. I like to…
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News ‘Notorrious,’ The Ruth Bader Ginsburg Pokemon Card
A limited Japanese release for International Women’s Day 2017, the Notorrious pokemon cards were immediately much sought after, worth 20 Spicerr cards by lunchtime on their first day. The card is heading for huge American sales as soon as it becomes available domestically. The release date is tentatively slated for April 1st.
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News Local Milk Merchant Accused Of Contact With Russians
The FBI yesterday revealed covert photographs of a villager known as Tevye colluding with Russian diplomats. Little is known of the conversation — which Tevye initially denied ever happened. He is suspected of discussing how he might be made “a rich man” and of concealing the conversation by having a violinist play loudly on top…
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Opinion I’m an Israeli Columbia student. I never thought I’d be afraid to invite my parents to my graduation
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