Illustration by Louis Keene (Photos: Getty Images, iStock)

By Louis Keene November 12, 2024

Nothing brings the online Jewish community together like a wildly original, insanely far-fetched antisemitic conspiracy theory. People still reminisce about the halcyon days of Jewish space lasers, a Marjorie Taylor Greene special still being squeezed for comedic juice three years later. Despite the best efforts of conservative commentator Candace Owens, the greatest antisemitic minds have been unable to produce as rich a prompt since.

That is, until this week, when one worked-up loser’s dire warning of a Jewish government takeover — or maybe a Jewish National Treasure plot — provided a unifying post-election salve:

“HAPPENING IN REAL TIME,” the tweet from avowed Holocaust denier Stew Peters read: “The Constitution is being replaced with the Talmud.”

I had never heard of Peters before, but he has some 700,000 followers on X, so apparently that’s on me; according to the ADL, he’s a “prolific antisemite” who rose to prominence during the pandemic, when he released a movie claiming the COVID-19 vaccine was snake venom. His tweet Monday — apparently pegged to President-elect Trump’s cabinet appointments — was hardly the first time he’s posted about the Talmud; Peters claims it promotes “sick gender ideology” and condones pedophilia.

None of the Jewish accounts quote-tweeting Peters to dunk on him seemed to mind amplifying him (though it’s worth noting that as a Twitter Premium user, he does get paid more when his posts get more engagement). How could they resist? Peters had dangled the ultimate bait: an age-old antisemitic trope couched in a fantasy that sparks the Jewish imagination, and what’s more, an opportunity for Jewish Twitter to laugh at themselves while the real joke is — finally — on someone else.

The responses were a mix of Talmudic deep cuts, well actuallys and all-important clarifying questions: “Hold up,” Rabbi Josh Yuter asked, “Babylonian Talmud or Jerusalem Talmud?”

Peters’ mentions were flooded with Daf Yomi shibboleths. “Can’t wait for the Supreme Court ruling on whether a sukkah with an elephant in place of a wall is kosher,” wrote Jewish Insider’s Lahav Harkov, recalling an actual Talmudic discussion. “Wait till they get to Yevamos,” read one reply, referencing the tractate on levirate marriage.

Others pointed out some practical issues created by replacing a 4,543-word document with a sprawling collection of laws, debates and stories that goes on for some 5,400 pages. “Those little bound copies that people give kids are going to be getting a lot chunkier,” one user pointed out. Anyway, a closer analog for the Constitution, Rabbi Avi Schwartz noted, would be the Shulchan Aruch, the 16th-century code of Jewish law.

To be sure, plenty of replies supported Peters. And at least one conspiracy monger had access to X’s Community Notes feature, which lets certain users offer fact-checking comments that, if approved, appear directly underneath posts. “The Constitution is not being replaced by the Talmud,” read one proposed such note. “There is no need for that, as AIPAC controls perfectly U.S. politics.”

But Jewish replies easily dominated. Most of them delighted, albeit kiddingly, at the idea of an American Talmudic society. “No wool and linen together for you Americans!” joked one. “We will have an eruv from sea to shining sea!” promised another. Congressional gridlock? We’re calling it Beit Hillel vs. Beit Shammai from now on. And forget about Project 2025 — we’re onto Project 5785.

“I can’t stop laughing. It’s antisemitic but it’s also just so freaking silly!” an X user named Ruth Abrams summed it up. “At least it reminded me to open the daf for today.”

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