Sh'ma Now

Unafraid to Speak

Deborah RosenbloomMarch 29, 2018

Harmony in the home — shalom bayit — is a foundational Jewish principle. But where there are conflicting needs or desires, compromise may be necessary to achieve this idyllic state. As we learn in the Talmud, “Rava said: It is obvious to me [that if one must choose between] the Shabbat light and the Hanukkah light, the former is preferable, on account of peace of the home.” (BT Shabbat 23b) While the family can enjoy the illumination of Shabbat candles, it is forbidden to benefit from the light of the Chanukah candles.

Family and/or Kugel

Israel HellerMarch 29, 2018

When I was 18 years old, my parents kicked me out of our home because I failed to adhere to their standard of Jewish law. It was the summer of 2008, and we had lived together on a tree-lined street in Boro Park. The following summer, my parents’ marriage dissolved. They had been set up by a matchmaker as a “pairing off of damaged goods”; each of them struggled with mental illness. My mother was a roiling sea of diagnoses and menacing acronyms. She saw my early precocious behavior and later stubborn auto-didacticism as something suspicious, what their communities and spiritual leaders, friends, and rabbis all told them to fear and stamp out. When I clothed my insistent curiosity in blue denim and the black Baphomet-lined garb of the youthfully disaffected, it confirmed what my parents had seemed to have always known and never hesitated to act on: that I was not merely different but consciously adversarial to their way of life, a life ostensibly crafted in the shape of God’s will.

Layers of Shame, Voices of Dignity

Nancy AikenMarch 29, 2018

My work with victims of sexual abuse is both instructive and sobering. The first time Rivka’s husband slapped her, they had been married only a month. The month had been so good: She loved her in-laws and apartment, and her husband was well regarded in the community. Only one bad day meant 97 percent of her married life was fine. Rivka rededicated herself to being a good wife and never told anyone what happened. But she continued to endure abuse. Eventually, though, after ten years, four children who witnessed the abuse, and several broken bones, the balance tipped; no amount of justification could make Rivka feel like her life was good.

The Wisdom of the Wife House

Jane KanarekMarch 29, 2018

If a man has only enough money to purchase either Shabbat candles or Hanukkah candles, which should he buy? According to the talmudic sage Rava, he should purchase the oil to light Shabbat candles because they are essential for “the peace of his house (shalom beito).” (B. Shabbat 23b) Although the Talmud connects this choice to the pain that the entire household would feel spending Shabbat in a darkened home, the commandment to light Shabbat candles comes to be viewed specifically as a “women’s commandment.”