Turtle Eats Jew (50 Gentiles Unharmed)
The Backward is the Forward’s annual satirical Purim edition. Enjoy! More stories here… A slow-moving tragedy evolves in the Galapagos.
Purim
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News Noah: New Ark ‘Coming Along Great.’
More stories here… “It was almost like a message from God,” said Noah, who lives in the Rockaways section of Queens. “The neighbors seem much more supportive this time around. Some of them have asked to book tickets.” Noah said that he was interviewing animals in twos for the journey, but that the job was…
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Culture Wanted: Leader for Major World Religion
WANTED: LEADER FOR MAJOR WORLD RELIGION Preferred qualifications: Partially or fully abnegated selfhood. Personal connection with the godhead. Experience running large organizations. Pleasant manner. Required qualifications: Must not have history of sexually or physically abusing children, women or congregants. Must not have history of covering up other leaders’ sexual or physical abuse of children, women…
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Culture Jewish Journalism Is Still Hot!
The Backward is the Forward’s annual satirical Purim edition. Enjoy! More stories here… A Backward spinoff — the amusingly named “Forward” — was at the center of a campaign to make celebrities sexy again. “We hope some of that newspaper stardust will rub off on us dowdy singers,” said Katy Perry, who sings Yiddish songs…
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News New Hasidic Clothing Store, ‘50 Shades of Black,’ Disappoints
Meanwhile, nearby softcore erotica store, The Hole Megillah, reports unexpectedly high foot traffic from the ultra-Orthodox. The Backward is the Forward’s annual satirical Purim edition. Enjoy! More stories here…
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Culture Über Buber
More stories here… Some of the Superhumanistic Jews who made the Backward possible in 5773 were Mr. Dr. Simon Shaw, Karen “K-Lo” Loew, Jason “Jar-El” Reich, “Demographic” Rob Kutner, Jonathan “JZ” Zacks, Rabbi Dr. Jay Michaelson, Gail “Gail” Lerner, Larry Cohler-Esses (leader of the Cohler-Essenes), “Sir” Paul Berger, Prof. Dr. Eddy Portnoy and the Rt….
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Life Purim’s Beauty Myth
Esther saved the Jewish people because, so they say, she was smart and brave. When she learned of the genocidal plot of Haman, the vizier to her husband, King Ahasueres of Persia, she revealed that she was a Jew and pleaded for her people to be spared. Esther’s daring act of approaching the king, confessing…
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Culture Lost in Language: Of Dead Dogs, Living Lions & Bifid Uvulae
The Backward is the Forward’s annual satirical Purim edition. Enjoy! More stories here… In Kohelet it says, “For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope; for a living dog is better than a dead lion.” Now quite why the writer of Kohelet wants to be joined to a living dog…
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