BINTEL BRIEFCan an interfaith couple be buried together in a Jewish cemetery?
Bintel says it can be done — but it depends on who’s in charge of the rules
A gravestone with a Star of David next to an unmarked stone. Photo by iStock
By Beth Harpaz September 29, 2025
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,Dear Bintel
My wife is not Jewish, and even though we’re both in our late 20s, I’m already thinking about the problem of Jewish burial. My wife is not officially converting, but we plan to raise our kids Jewish. It breaks my heart that she is not allowed to be buried with me and my family. What if it’s important to me to be buried in a Jewish cemetery? Where can we be buried together?
Signed,
Thinking Ahead
Dear Thinking Ahead,
It turns out that managing this quandary is not as simple as I had imagined. But there’s good news: You do have options for joint burial in a Jewish cemetery. It just depends on where you go and who you ask.
My first call was with Charles Salomon, president of Riverside Memorial Chapel in New York, one of the largest Jewish funeral homes in the country. “Either you’re Jewish or you’re not,” Salomon said. “And if you’re not, you can’t be buried in a Jewish cemetery.” He said some Jewish cemeteries even insist on family members signing a statement that says, “I know the deceased to be of the Jewish faith.”
A few more queries revealed that Judaism’s big tent offers accommodations for interfaith families on the liberal end of the religious spectrum.
“Some Jewish cemeteries — both those managed by Reform synagogues and others — now permit non-Jewish partners to be buried alongside their Jewish beloved — in designated sections of the cemetery,” Rabbi Julie Zupan, director of Jewish Engagement & Learning for the Union of Reform Judaism, told me by email. Some even permit joint burials with non-Jewish family members throughout the cemetery.
Just keep in mind that Jewish cemeteries typically forbid putting a cross or other non-Jewish religious symbols on those graves, and they also do not allow clergy of other faiths to officiate at graveside services.
Zupan added that with intermarriage rates for non-Orthodox couples higher than 70% (as reported in 2020 by the Pew Research Center), funeral directors and cemetery managers “increasingly are prepared to consider the diversity of the Jewish people today when determining their policies.” She expects there will be even more options available by the time “the letter-writer and their wife need to choose a cemetery — many decades from now we pray.”
Dawn C. Kepler, director of Building Jewish Bridges in Oakland, California, which helps interfaith families explore “where they want Judaism to fit in their family and community life,” writes in a blog post that “the majority of Bay Area Jewish cemeteries do allow burial of a non-Jewish spouse next to the Jewish spouse.”
In a phone call, Kepler noted that Reform synagogues with their own cemeteries usually require that you join the shul in order to buy plots. But Kepler thinks it’s a good idea in general for interfaith couples who are interested in Judaism to join a congregation — and not just for the burial benefits.
“Judaism is communal,” she said. “If you want the values of a communal tradition, if you value it, you’ll do your half.”
Some cemeteries operated by Conservative synagogues also accommodate interfaith couples. For example, Congregation Beth Israel, a Conservative shul in Bangor, Maine, has a special section for mixed couples in its cemetery.
Paul Citrin, a retired Reform rabbi who served at Congregation Albert in Albuquerque, New Mexico, for 18 years, has written about the importance of accommodating non-Jews in death. In a phone call, Citrin said that allowing non-Jewish spouses to be buried next to Jewish spouses — as Congregation Albert does — is a way of honoring the “old Jewish value of hachnasat orchim, which means welcoming guests.”
He added: “The reality is there is a very high rate of intermarriage in North America. Liberal Jews need to think seriously about this. If we’re going to ask non-Jews to raise their children and participate in Jewish life, it seems to me we need to practice hachnasat orchim.”
Signed,
Bintel
