New York Police Revert to Type
Graphic by Angelie Zaslavsky
NEWS ITEM: New York City is spending nearly $1 million on new typewriters for its Police Department. Mayor Michael Bloomberg expressed shock at the purchase. “Why are they using any is the question you should ask, and where do you find them?” the mayor said. “That was the thing that I thought about. I didn’t think anybody made them anymore.”
The typewriter is obsolete,
But not for cops who walk the beat!
What does this mean? What is the crux?
New York just spent a million bucks
On buying yester-year machines,
For use when someone misdemeans.
You see, police record all torts
By typing details in reports
That by computer can’t be done
In any PD garrison.
Such processing is slow, but quite
A drama-filled, arresting sight.
The typewriter, device low-tech,
Compels police to hunt-and-peck.
In matters typographical
Pertaining to the criminal,
Each officer displays a knack
For making sounds of click’ty-clack.
It is by methods such as these
That they keep track of felonies.
In truth, this purchase-escapade
Makes New York cops seem retrograde.
Appropriate it might well be
To have a larger back-space key.
Away with “New York’s Finest” hype!
Just teach policemen how to type!
The future suddenly looks good
For Remington and Underwood!
This is a moment of great uncertainty. Here’s what you can do about it.
We hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, we’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s independent Jewish news this Passover. All donations are being matched by the Forward Board - up to $100,000.
This is a moment of great uncertainty for the news media, for the Jewish people, and for our sacred democracy. It is a time of confusion and declining trust in public institutions. An era in which we need humans to report facts, conduct investigations that hold power to account, tell stories that matter and share honest discourse on all that divides us.
With no paywall or subscriptions, the Forward is entirely supported by readers like you. Every dollar you give this Passover is invested in the future of the Forward — and telling the American Jewish story fully and fairly.
The Forward doesn’t rely on funding from institutions like governments or your local Jewish federation. There are thousands of readers like you who give us $18 or $36 or $100 each month or year.
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
