No Seat at Table for Divorce Talk
Is it acceptable to offer one’s sympathy about a recent divorce or death in a social setting? I was at a dinner party and ran into a woman whose mother had died and to whom I had never written a note. I felt awkward not acknowledging the death, but I didn’t feel that the setting was the right place to do so. The same thing happened to me again when I saw a woman who I knew was going through a difficult divorce.
— Empathy and etiquette
At the dinner table, bringing up a recent death or ugly divorce is sure to be a conversation stopper. You would succeed in embarrassing yourself and the recipient of your good intentions. If during a quiet moment before you are seated you find yourself alone with the person — and out of earshot of others — there is nothing wrong with mixing condolences with food and drink. You run the risk, however, of introducing a difficult topic at a time when the other person, out for a social evening, may not wish to be reminded of it. Trust your instincts and take comfort in knowing that no matter how badly you may bungle the situation, many others have done so before. The art of offering comfort is just that — an art — and one that few people have perfected. The good news is that most of us, when we are in pain, overlook stumbling deliveries for the sake of good intentions.
* * *|
My husband and I have two children under the age of 3. Every time we talk about appointing legal guardians for the children, it turns into a major argument. He wants to appoint his sister. I say there are other options. Not only is my husband’s sister short-tempered and sharp-tongued, her own children are maladjusted and so needy that there would be little left for our children at the end of the day. My husband’s response is to impugn my family and their reliability. I could not rest in peace knowing that my kids are being raised by his choice of guardians, and my husband would probably say the same about my choice.
— Guarded about guardian
Think neutral. The good news about such an approach is that you can offend both sides of the family equally when they discover that neither has been chosen to raise your children. The better news is that you and your husband will be oblivious to any fallout from this decision. Surely you can agree on what values you wish to transmit to your children and what constitutes a loving, nurturing environment. If that means choosing friends you can both trust instead of family, so be it. Why not tackle all of the monetary and material decisions first, and leave the best — or worst — until last. There should be no disagreement as long as you place your children’s well-being first instead of your egos or your family allegiances.
Write to “Ask Wendy” at 954 Lexington Avenue #189, New York, N.Y. 10021 or at [email protected].
The Forward is free to read, but it isn’t free to produce

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward.
At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and polarized discourse.
Readers like you make it all possible. We’ve started our Passover Fundraising Drive, and we need 1,800 readers like you to step up to support the Forward by April 21. Members of the Forward board are even matching the first 1,000 gifts, up to $70,000.
This is a great time to support independent Jewish journalism, because every dollar goes twice as far.
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO
2X match on all Passover gifts!
Most Popular
- 1
News A Jewish Republican and Muslim Democrat are suddenly in a tight race for a special seat in Congress
- 2
Fast Forward The NCAA men’s Final Four has 3 Jewish coaches
- 3
Fast Forward Cory Booker proclaims, ‘Hineni’ — I am here — 19 hours into anti-Trump Senate speech
- 4
Film & TV What Gal Gadot has said about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
In Case You Missed It
-
Fast Forward Texas bakery reportedly becomes first bagel shop to be named James Beard Award finalist
-
Fast Forward ‘That’s Simchas Torah’: The Jewish Val Kilmer moment you might have missed
-
Opinion I co-wrote Biden’s antisemitism strategy. Trump is making the threat worse
-
Fast Forward From ‘October 8’ to ‘The Encampments,’ these new documentaries illuminate the post-Oct. 7 American experience
-
Shop the Forward Store
100% of profits support our journalism
Republish This Story
Please read before republishing
We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines.
You must comply with the following:
- Credit the Forward
- Retain our pixel
- Preserve our canonical link in Google search
- Add a noindex tag in Google search
See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.
To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.