Ask the Rebbetzin: How Can I Move Forward without Changing Myself?

Image by Because Jewish

Image by Alana Joblin Ain
Dear Rebbetzin,
I am starting a new job soon and usually I relish the feeling of beginning over. When I was a teacher, September was the time when all the lesson plans were new and full of potential. I could plan on changing my personal style. I would never eat at my desk. I would make sure to always be professional and never kvetch. It’s that “new year’s resolution” thing – and it’s kind of addictive. But this time, I don’t really want to change – I don’t want to have to change. I want to do something new and still be me. I don’t want to start over; I just want to keep going forward. Any advice?
Sincerely,
Starting again but not over
Dear Starting,
I love that you want to show up to your new job wearing the hard won experience of being your current self. Your note reflects a self awareness, an intentionality that you’ve brought to the important moments in your life. Occasionally your keyboard may catch crumbs, and because you are human, you will probably kvetch from time to time.
But in a culture that demands and rewards constant newness and self improvement it is refreshing to receive the sentiment that you’ve expressed here — you want to keep moving forward as you are.
We are just weeks into the Jewish new year and the high from the High Holidays has settled down. Actually, I’d say it’s taken a dip. That’s what I hear from a lot of people. After pouring out prayers, carving intentions, vowing resolutions, there is the natural return to just being ourselves.
It can feel discouraging. I joked with a friend that I wouldn’t mind experiencing Yom Kippur quarterly instead of annually; there’s a desire to keep that urgency close. But, here, you remind me that after a certain amount of Septembers filled with new lesson plans and wardrobes, we can own the wholeness of who we are in this present moment. Thank you for this.
I suspect you may have already experienced the kind of the crushing and rebuilding change that doesn’t leave room for much besides surrender, like loss or the end of a relationship. Motherhood did this to me.
When my doctor suggested, at my one-year postpartum check up, that my hormones would soon balance out and I’d return to being the woman I was before I had the baby, a fire rose in my gut saying No. She had meant this as a reassurance; I had struggled. But I knew that there was no going back. I was going to own this current identity, battle scars and joy. It’s been more joy, Starting.
I don’t know where you’ve been that’s led you to this new post in life, but I can tell – just from the glimpse you’ve shared – that you are prepared to move in the only direction we can – forward – with all you are in this moment. I hope that you can relish this feeling, because it is enough — For you, for all of us.
Good luck.
Sincerely,
Alana
Click here to submit your own questions to the Rebbetzin for her weekly column.
For more information on Because Jewish, click here.
The Forward is free to read, but it isn’t free to produce

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward.
At a time when other newsrooms are closing or cutting back, the Forward has removed its paywall and invested additional resources to report on the ground from Israel and around the U.S. on the impact of the war, rising antisemitism and polarized discourse.
Readers like you make it all possible. We’ve started our Passover Fundraising Drive, and we need 1,800 readers like you to step up to support the Forward by April 21. Members of the Forward board are even matching the first 1,000 gifts, up to $70,000.
This is a great time to support independent Jewish journalism, because every dollar goes twice as far.
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO
2X match on all Passover gifts!
Most Popular
- 1
News A Jewish Republican and Muslim Democrat are suddenly in a tight race for a special seat in Congress
- 2
Fast Forward The NCAA men’s Final Four has 3 Jewish coaches
- 3
Fast Forward Cory Booker proclaims, ‘Hineni’ — I am here — 19 hours into anti-Trump Senate speech
- 4
Film & TV What Gal Gadot has said about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict
In Case You Missed It
-
Fast Forward Pennsylvania Jewish groups condemn ‘genocide’ slogan on Gisele Fetterman’s charity
-
Fast Forward A Republican senator called Chuck Schumer ‘Fuhrer’
-
Fast Forward The Ben of Ben & Jerry’s is asking Unilever to let his ice cream brand go
-
Fast Forward 80 years after Auschwitz, kosher food will be sold in its town of Oświęcim
-
Shop the Forward Store
100% of profits support our journalism
Republish This Story
Please read before republishing
We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines.
You must comply with the following:
- Credit the Forward
- Retain our pixel
- Preserve our canonical link in Google search
- Add a noindex tag in Google search
See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.
To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.