Bintel considers how to handle a troublesome classmate. Illustration by Mira Fox/Canva

By Mira Fox November 21, 2024

A Bintel Brief, Yiddish for a bundle of letters, has been solving reader dilemmas since 1906. Send yours via email, social media or this form.

Dear Bintel,

I’m an American Jewish college student currently studying abroad in Europe. I am writing about a particularly problematic classmate. She is not Jewish or Palestinian or Arab, and to my knowledge has no direct ties to Israel-Palestine. Yet in nearly every single class, she takes the opportunity to broadcast her views on the conflict, never once acknowledging her own privilege as a white, European woman, or taking into consideration how her classmates may be impacted by the violence in the Middle East.

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Outside of class, I’ve heard her use the term “Zionist” as an insult, and she seems to believe that Israel controls Disney+. I am a progressive Zionist who opposes the occupation, and I don’t believe that anti-Zionism, or criticism of the Israeli government — especially when it comes to the treatment of Palestinians — is inherently antisemitic. But I feel that her comments can cross the line.

My current strategy is to donate a few dollars to the New Israel Fund or World Central Kitchen every time she gets on my nerves, since I know these organizations help support civilians in Israel, Palestine and Lebanon. If I’m gonna go broke, it might as well be for a good reason. But I fear that bottling up my frustration like this isn’t healthy.

I don’t want to put my professors, who are wonderful, in an awkward position — or give more fuel to outside actors who exploit fears of antisemitism for political gain. But I sometimes worry that I’ll end up unleashing my pent-up frustrations in class, which would not be good for anyone. 

How should I deal with this?

Sincerely,
Disgruntled

Dear Disgruntled,

I’m impressed at how well you’re already handling the situation. You have not let your classmate’s comments deeply impact your learning experience, and you’re doing the most productive thing you can think of to counter her: donating to charity. Kudos to you.

But you raise two important concerns that I think can be addressed more directly. First, your classmate is disrupting class and doing so in a way that feels intellectually dishonest. Secondly, outside of class, she is engaging in conspiratorial thinking that clearly crosses the line into antisemitism.

Let’s start with her comments in the classroom. I agree that exploding in anger in the middle of class is probably not a productive way to address this, if only because the red-faced, yelling person rarely comes across well.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respond. After all, isn’t discussion the whole point of a class? It sounds like you have some fair points to make that could help broaden her thinking — and those of others in the room. Besides, trying to hold it in clearly isn’t serving you well. You can point out how, despite all her discussions of privilege, she is not acknowledging her own. You can share your own experiences as a Jew. If she’s ignoring a piece of the conflict’s historical puzzle, you can bring it up.

Just make sure to stay calm: Share your perspective but keep it relevant to the class discussion. Don’t try to take on everything you’ve ever heard her say. Your professors should be able to help ensure it doesn’t spiral into a fruitless debate.

If that feels like too much, I’d encourage you to talk to the professors during office hours. I know you’re worried about pulling them into the middle of a contentious political debate, but your perspective is important. Plus, talking through your ideas with your teachers might help you feel heard — and get back some of your disrupted learning time.

Outside of class, however, it sounds like your classmate is not merely opining on the conflict, but engaging in antisemitic conspiracies about Jewish control of the media. That’s dangerous — and becoming increasingly common. You’re certainly not the only person to notice an increase in antisemitism being boldly shared; you’re not even the first to write to us about it.

You should firmly tell her that this idea is a longtime antisemitic trope and not true. You could also point out that peddling these false conspiracy theories makes any fair criticisms of Israel’s treatment of Palestinians sound illegitimate. If she pushes back hard, however, I’d try to avoid getting pulled into a debate about it; the best way to defang her may be to calmly walk away instead of taking the bait.

Whether inside or outside the classroom, your hope is probably to make your annoying classmate reflect and realize the error of her ways. That may be unlikely. But speaking up is still worth it — for yourself, and for the others in your class and friend group.

Regardless of her reaction, this is an opportunity to help the others think more critically about the situation. Maybe some of them will have more productive discussions with you; in any case, you don’t want your nemesis to be the only voice on the conflict. And who knows, maybe your bravery in speaking up will embolden some other classmates of yours who have also been stewing in silence.

Do you have any additional thoughts for this advice-seeker? Send them to [email protected] or send in a question of your own. And don’t miss a Bintel: Sign up for our Bintel Brief newsletter here. 

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