A baby bird towing a Star of David leaves an empty nest. Graphic by Canva

By Beth Harpaz November 19, 2025

Dear Bintel,

My daughter’s dream, throughout middle school, has been to go to a private boarding high school. I didn’t fight her on it because it was so out of our price range. My plan was to let our finances be the villain. She ended up finding the money herself through grants and scholarships and was accepted. 

Now I’m panicking because I’m afraid she’ll experience antisemitism or anti-Israel hate. She experienced that in middle school but she came home and we helped her. I don’t want to hold her back but I worry high school is too young to deal with this alone. She’s very proud of her Jewish and Israeli heritage and wears a Star of David necklace from her grandma everywhere. Any advice?

Signed,
Worried Mama

Dear Mama:

First of all, congratulations on raising an incredible daughter. Self-directed, resourceful, smart — I know plenty of adults who are far less successful at setting goals and realizing their dreams than your amazing teenage girl!

But I also want to recognize something that you don’t bring up, and that’s your heartbreak at losing this golden child. You probably thought you had another four years before this baby bird would leave the nest. Now suddenly she’s flying away much sooner than expected. That’s a huge adjustment for any parent — and it’s not just about your desire to protect her from a potentially hostile world. Many of us grieve when kids leave home, even when those kids are older than yours. You see the empty bedroom, the missing dinner plate, the “one less” member of the family at every gathering, and you just want to cry.

So let’s acknowledge that pain. You weren’t ready for this to happen so soon, and it’s OK to feel sad about it. You’re going to miss her something awful, and I’ve no doubt that no matter how well she does at boarding school — and I bet she will thrive — she’s going to miss you too. But that’s what cellphones are for, right?

Now let’s talk about your antisemitism worries. Your daughter already had to deal with this in middle school, so there’s no guarantee that a local high school would be less problematic than boarding school. The difference, of course, is that when she was living in your house, she had immediate access to your wisdom.

But you’ve already helped her develop coping skills. The proof is that she still proudly wears her Star of David. She’s not afraid. She’s not hiding. She’s ready to take on the world. She knows you’re only a phone call or text away, and you’ll always be there to listen, with unconditional love and support as needed.

Just don’t go overboard with the warnings and advice. Sometimes kids don’t want to burden their parents if they think we’re freaking out about something. They try to protect us by holding back, and that can make it worse for them.

In fact, when you say you’re “panicked” on her behalf, I can’t help but wonder if that’s part of what’s driving her to leave the nest so young. Is it possible she needs some distance from your emotions? I don’t know, but it might be helpful for you to have a few sessions with a therapist about separating your feelings from hers. You need to figure out how to express concern without suffocating her.

You might also reach out to the boarding school’s guidance counselors. I’m sure they’re used to helping parents manage their anxiety over sending a young teen away from home. Perhaps there’s even a parents’ group where veterans who have older kids can share how they’ve coped.

I’d also ask the counselors how the school typically handles student conflicts and bias. Offenses related not only to religion but also to race, ethnicity, politics and gender have unfortunately become commonplace in our world, and every school has had to develop protocols for dealing with these situations. My hope is that you’ll feel comforted knowing what policies are in place to support your daughter, and that the wonderful job you’ve done raising her so far will keep her flying high.

Signed,
Bintel

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