A Longer Lash Could Be a Smash
Graphic by Angelie Zaslavsky
NEWS ITEM: The Food and Drug Administration approved a new prescription drug that will grow longer, lusher lashes.
For gals who like their lashes long,
A brand new drug has come along.
It makes eyelashes flourish, grow
Beyond what is their status quo.
Some women folk will think it cute
To have their lashes more hirsute.
At least that’s what researchers hope
As for new markets now they grope.
Mascara would be obsolete,
Unable, truly, to compete.
Some doctors, though, are not quite sure
About the drug’s alleged allure.
Will its effectiveness endure?
What ailment does it really cure?
Might daily users become vexed
By unintended side effects?
It’s aimed precisely at the lash,
But could it cause, say, a moustache?
(The hopes of women this would dash.
Just hear them cry “Alack! Alash!”)
They’d lash out at the FDA
Which gave the maker its OK,
And some would say it’s downright sin
To make cosmetic medicine.
The scientists appear perplexed
Which body part to target next.
The bushy eyebrow, black as coal,
Could be their new, upcoming goal.
If its new product fails and crashes,
The firm deserves a thousand lashes!
Far froyen kumt oyf der scene
A nye ploymdik meditsin.
Es mokht di vies horik voksn,
’Siz omshedlekh, nit kayn toxin.
Maydlekh glaykhn roykhik oygn,
Mener kumen, tsugetsoygn!
Azoy dertseylt di forshung shtark,
Bekoyekh, dortn vakst a mahrk.
Doktoyrim zaynen nit gevis
Di meditsin volt zayn like this.
Ken es tsubrengen dokh a krekhts?
Vos tut men vegn side effects?
Di vontses ken es gebn tsu
A maydl? Dos iz epes new!
M’ken nit yetst oyf zikher zayn
Oz ales vet geyn gut un fayn.
Di visinshaft iz felerdik,
Ganeyvish vi an oygnblik!
Der visnshoftler, dokh a kener,
Vert farblonzet (vi ale mener).
A roykhik brem ken zayn der tsil
Fun (kumendik) a shpeter pill.
Far dos, azoy, dos oyg’z bashert?
Vos iz di zokh? Vos iz der vert?
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