Skip To Content
JEWISH. INDEPENDENT. NONPROFIT.
News

Making It Official, Creatively

When Abe Newman and his partner, Craig Pollack, discussed the possibility of marriage, they decided that they wanted their ceremony to be infused with Jewish traditions. Last weekend, even though a friend who is not a rabbi officiated their ceremony in Massachusetts, they stood beneath a chupah and smashed not one but two light bulbs.

Along with a Kiddush and a shechechianu blessing, they signed a ketubah created by artist Melissa Dinwiddie, customized with the gender-appropriate pronouns. This text, which has been prepared for other gay and lesbian clients, is called the Equal Partners Commitment text.

Dinwiddie, of ketubahworks.com, started her ketubah-making business in 1997. She had her first gay clients just three years later.

“I have been open to gay ketubot from the beginning, so I was glad someone finally approached me to do one,” Dinwiddie said. “I consider myself an ally for same-sex couples. I think of what I do as a mitzvah.”

A handful of other ketubah artists from around the country are beginning to offer similar texts, and many have been approached not only by Jewish gay and lesbian couples but also same-sex couples of other backgrounds. In an era in which 49 American states will not recognize gay and lesbian marriages, many are finding ketubot to be an alternative way to document their commitment before the national community.

“For me, it’s both a moment to include our historic tie to the religion, and a moment to show that this is a bond with a legal contract,” Newman said.

Gendered pronouns are not the only modifications found in these ketubot. Occasionally, rainbow designs, religious texts about the binding of two souls and quotes from Shakespeare appear on the parchment. A Good Company, a ketubah-maker based in Chicago, has been known to incorporate some of these details.

Stephanie Caplan, a New York ketubah artist for theketubah.com, said when it comes to designing for gay and lesbian clients, the question for her is merely, “Why not?”

“I think the older generation of ketubah artists did not like to do interfaith or gay ketubot, but today it’s easier to come by,” Caplan said.

Caplan sometimes uses a text called “B’rit Ahuvim/Ahavot” (“Lovers’ Covenant”) for her clients, which gleans from the biblical story of David and Jonathan’s bond.

Though some Jews may be uneasy with the thought of David being gay, Rabbi Leila Gal Berner of Washington, D.C., who has written her own ketubah text for lesbian couples, used by customketubah.com artist Miriam Karp, said that whether Jonathan and David’s relationship was sexual or not does not nullify its emotional impact.

Berner feels that gay and lesbian couples have just as much of a need for a ketubah, and she encourages it for all the couples she counsels.

“Gay and lesbian Jews are saying, ‘We are voluntarily wanting to take on the responsibilities of marriage through the writing of such a document in a serious, Jewish way,’” Berner said. “I only hope that many more ketubah artists will let it be known that they are ready and able to make ketubot for gay and lesbian couples.”

Elisha Sauers is a writer living in Bloomington, Ind.

A message from our Publisher & CEO Rachel Fishman Feddersen

I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s award-winning, nonprofit journalism during this critical time.

We’ve set a goal to raise $260,000 by December 31. That’s an ambitious goal, but one that will give us the resources we need to invest in the high quality news, opinion, analysis and cultural coverage that isn’t available anywhere else.

If you feel inspired to make an impact, now is the time to give something back. Join us as a member at your most generous level.

—  Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO

With your support, we’ll be ready for whatever 2025 brings.

Republish This Story

Please read before republishing

We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines. You must credit the Forward, retain our pixel and preserve our canonical link in Google search.  See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.

To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.

We don't support Internet Explorer

Please use Chrome, Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site.