Once again, Stanley Siegelman startles our readers with his novel choice of subjects, delightfully presented in his habitual “Yinglish.” In describing his subject, he writes: “Minuscule, nonkosher crustaceans flourish in New York City’s tap water. They are harmless, but their presence renders the water off limits to observant Jews, according to the Orthodox Union. The union requires restaurants under its supervision to install special filters, and it suggests that Jews do the same in their homes.”
Dos Vaser Iz TreyfDos vaser in New York iz treyf!Oy, Yidn! Trinkt nit, “Play it safe.”Du fregst far vos? Zay nit keyn nar!“Crustaceans” inem “reservoir!”A shande groys far alt New York!A “sip” iz glaykh vi esn “pork.”Bist dorshtik, fraynd, fun fresn lox?“Farfaln!” zogn Orthodox!Zeyer shlekht iz yetst di nayes:An “untervelt” fun treyfe khayes!Afile tsvishn Yidn-hassersGefint men troyer iber vassers!“Dos aqua’z sam, nem nit keyn trink,M’darf zikh hitn far der sink,”Rabonim zogn. Shrayn zey:“A klule takeh! Okh un vey!Far yedn yid a ‘filter’ kleynVet makhn vaser kosher, reyn,Un beser nokh fun two-cents plainDi problem’z bitter yetst vi khreyn!”The Water Is Trayf Don’t drink the water. Play it safe.In NYC, the water’s trayf.Crustaceans in the H2O,They live, they breed, they thrive, they grow.Consuming water in New YorkIs tantamount to eating pork.Through endless labyrinths of plumbingNasty arthropods are coming.E’en the anti-Jewish bigotWith alarm observes the spigot.You’re thirsty after eating lox?“Too bad,” assert the Orthodox:“The aqua is unfit to drink.Good Jews should not go near the sink!”Some rabbis warn, they cast a pallThat’s thick as grief at Wailing Wall.The use of filters they proposeTo guarantee all smoothly flows:“The filter works and we endorse it.The trouble is we can’t en-faucet*.”*enforce it
A message from our Publisher & CEO Rachel Fishman Feddersen
I hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, I’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s award-winning, nonprofit journalism during this critical time.
We’ve set a goal to raise $260,000 by December 31. That’s an ambitious goal, but one that will give us the resources we need to invest in the high quality news, opinion, analysis and cultural coverage that isn’t available anywhere else.
If you feel inspired to make an impact, now is the time to give something back. Join us as a member at your most generous level.
— Rachel Fishman Feddersen, Publisher and CEO
With your support, we’ll be ready for whatever 2025 brings.
