Skip To Content

Trump Intent On Moving The Capital To Jerusalem

“Today we finally acknowledge the obvious: that Jerusalem is Israel’s capital,” President Trump said while hoping he’d used the right denture fixative. “This is nothing more or less than a recognition of reality,” he purred, warming his hands at a beautiful clean coal fire. “It is also the right thing to do. It’s something that has to be done. We must do it. Do it now.”

Apparently talking about the Arab-Israeli conflict he continued. “It would be folly to assume that repeating the exact same formula would now produce a different or better result.”

Image by backward Association

Trump also announced as an aside, that since no one had found a cure for cancer using those sad old methods, he was going to use assault rifles to shoot cancerous cells. And, in order to promote nuclear fusion, he would arm scientists.

“But, Mr. President,” asked Harry Jawea of the Backward, “what is the final stop on the road map to your peace in the Middle East?”

“I’m glad you asked me that. It’s going to be great. We’re going to have the greatest view of the end times, really the greatest.”

Click image to enlarge.


Republish This Story

Please read before republishing

We’re happy to make this story available to republish for free, unless it originated with JTA, Haaretz or another publication (as indicated on the article) and as long as you follow our guidelines. You must credit the Forward, retain our pixel and preserve our canonical link in Google search.  See our full guidelines for more information, and this guide for detail about canonical URLs.

To republish, copy the HTML by clicking on the yellow button to the right; it includes our tracking pixel, all paragraph styles and hyperlinks, the author byline and credit to the Forward. It does not include images; to avoid copyright violations, you must add them manually, following our guidelines. Please email us at [email protected], subject line “republish,” with any questions or to let us know what stories you’re picking up.

We don't support Internet Explorer

Please use Chrome, Safari, Firefox, or Edge to view this site.