‘You must yell, you must accuse, and you must threaten.’ How Larry Kramer changed the gay Orthodox community
Writer, playwright, civil rights activist. Founder of ACT-UP and Gay Men’s Health Crisis.
This photo is included in my ‘100 People I Photographed for the Creative Commons’ set of my favorites shots out of the thousands of people I have photographed. Image by David Shankbone
Mordechai Levovitz May 28, 2020
“You must yell, you must accuse, and you must threaten.” — Larry Kramer
Dear Larry,
The gift of a role model is having someone to see yourself in and through. It allows us to ground our emotional experiences in a communal destiny rather than a personal fate. Every injustice I have encountered, every coward I had to deal with, every time my own circles rejected me, every time my family was the enemy, every time I needed to say what could not and “should” not be said — I was connected to you.
And my outrage? my anger? You showed me how valuable it can be. For what else is the appropriate response to the millions of queers who were oppressed as children, ignored when sick, vilified when in love, and alone when closeted?
Victimhood is regressive, sadness is stagnant, camaraderie is healing, but fury moves. Fury ignites. Fury changes people and, in turn, changes the world.
To truly see a queer person is to see our rage. The world cannot claim tolerance until she endures our flames, and it is only real if it burns.
Larry Kramer with Mordechai Levovitz.
However, Larry, I don’t believe your heroism is best reflected by how you made straight society feel. Instead, your greatness was your willingness to care enough about your fellow queers to tell us what we needed to hear, not what we wanted to hear. You loved us enough to risk not being liked.
Those who are careful with their words are so out of concern with their own reputation and standing. The greatest of activists know that oversensitivity is a manifestation of selfishness, not generosity. You didn’t hold back because we deserved it all: your vitriol, your whimsy, your exaggerations, your crazy, and even the people that you hurt were all part of the magic that made you an icon.
*
I only spoke to Larry a few times in my life, mostly after his lectures and once during a beautiful sunset on Fire Island. But the two pieces of professional advocacy advice I got from him were invaluable.
In one interaction, I asked Larry how best to deal with Orthodox rabbis who are not bad people but are causing harm by either their actions or inactions. Larry seemed a bit irked by my framing. He first answered me with a question (like any smart Jew would): “How would you respond if he was harming a teen right in front of you?” I told him that I would probably yell. He smiled and said, “Exactly.”
I pushed back by saying that the overwhelming advice I had been receiving was “Don’t yell, don’t accuse and don’t threaten.” He responded, “Of course, because that is what they are most afraid you will do.”
It finally dawned on me that what they are most afraid of is obviously the greatest tool I possess.
“Remember”, he said, “you must yell, you must accuse and you must threaten.”
And that’s exactly what I did.
Much to my surprise, not only did this tactic work, not only was I able to help create some of the most groundbreaking shifts in Orthodox Judaism through this activism, but the rabbis who I challenged ended up becoming close friends and cherished allies in this work.
In another conversation, I asked Larry about how to handle a closeted Orthodox journalist who was using his platform to spread homophobia. Kramer asked me what made him closeted? I told him that his family, employer and readership did not know that he was gay, frequented gay bars, and even once worked in gay pornography. Larry brilliantly responded, “You can’t enter a gay bar without leaving your closet.”
I was still worried about disclosing someone’s secret, but Larry insisted that history and reality are not owned by any one person just because it involves them. It either happened or it didn’t happen, and if you know something happened, that is your story to tell.
He cautioned me that it is commendable to hide the truth when you think it will help someone come out in their own time and contribute to the movement, but helping someone hide the truth so they can hurt others makes you complicit in their crimes.
“So I should out him?” I asked.
“Not necessarily,” Larry said. “Use what you know to stop him from hurting us.”
And that is precisely what I did. To this day, the journalist never published another anti-gay article.
*
Today, the Orthodox Jewish world is that much safer for queer teens because of the sage advice of Larry Kramer. They may not know it, but the Yeshiva University Gay Panel, The Statement of Principles, the RCA rejecting conversion therapy, the OU consoling the LGBTQ+ community after the Pulse nightclub shooting, Agudath Israel leaders disassociating from JONAH and the homophobic “Torah Declaration,” and even the inclusion of LGBTQ+ groups into the Celebrate Israel Parade, all were inspired by Larry Kramer’s approach to communal change. Jewish queer youth from Orthodox, Hasidic and Sephardi/Mizrachi homes who can now find each other and thrive at JQY Drop-in Centers can thank Larry Kramer for empowering this unstoppable movement.
Larry lives on in the fury I see in LGBTQ+ Orthodox youth today. No matter how religious, culturally traditional or conservative a community, a school or a family is, we will not be victims. To those who want to see us weak and submissive, I say we will no longer absorb your pangs.
Instead, we will bounce them back at the powers that be, and it will be you, not us, who will suffer.
Pity us at your own peril. Behold our fury.
You may have started the fire of oppression but we have kindled the torch. If you insist that your hands are tied, it will be you who will be stuck in the flames.
Our shared anger has made us free and invincible. It has helped us lay claim to the past, present and future. But become complacent for even a moment, and they will take it all away.
Don’t say Larry Kramer didn’t warn us.
Mordechai Levovitz is the clinical director of the nonprofit Jewish Queer Youth.
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