5 Reasons To Read The Bible — Even Though GQ Says You Shouldn’t
Image by iStock
A list of “21 Books You Don’t Have To Read” by GQ seems to exist to give 21 pretentious people the opportunity to describe the specific ways in which they are pretentious. The fact is, there is only one book in the world you absolutely should not read, and that is “Lolita”, a diamond-covered trashcan book about child rape that is the calling card of the insufferable.
In one entry, writer Jesse Ball directs readers to skip the book “The Holy Bible,” which he describes as, “repetitive, self-contradictory, sententious, foolish, and even at times ill-intentioned.” Yes, as Ball observes, the Bible is indeed “sententious,” which means “given to moralizing.” It is also exciting to ruminate over how it is that Ball is so confident about the intentions of the writers of the Bible, and if and when he will share more of his hermeneutical gifts with the world.
While we wait for more gems from Mr. Ball, let’s talk about a few reasons you should read the Bible.
1.You will sound like less of an uneducated and incurious nincompoop when you speak to the 2.3 billion Christians, 1.8 billion Muslims, and the 14.4 million Jews in the world, all of whom consider “The Holy Bible” (or some part of it) a core religious text.
2.It’s hilarious. The Bible is pretty much a laugh riot the whole way through. Check this quote from 2 Kings, 2, about what happens when you make fun of people.
Thank the New International Version Image by Biblegateway Screenshot
3.It’s just completely wild. Take this exchange from 1 Samuel:11:
Do it to it, Nahash. Image by Screenshot/Sefaria
In modern language, the exchange would go like this: Jabash-Gilead People: Please! Truce! Nahash: Sure, bitches. Our truce is you gouging out your eyes and me doing nothing, sucka’s.
4.It’s full of really good handshakes.
Image by Screenshot/Sefaria
This workplace harassment-esque scene not only showcases an impossibly intimate handshake that I personally hope comes back into popularity, but also kicks off a kind of madcap love-story adventure (Abraham’s servant goes to find Isaac a wife, camel-related hilarity ensues) that could be its own standalone romantic comedy epic, starring Rachel McAdams.
5.It’s really a very nicely-written book.
Not bad. Image by Screenshot/Sefaria
Jenny Singer is a writer for the Forward. You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @jeanvaljenny
It’s our birthday and we’re still celebrating!
We hope you appreciated this article. Before you go, we’d like to ask you to please support the Forward’s independent Jewish news.
This week we celebrate 129 years of the Forward. We’re proud of our origins as a Yiddish print publication serving Jewish immigrants. And we’re just as proud of what we’ve become today: A trusted source of Jewish news and opinion, available digitally to anyone in the world without paywalls or subscriptions.
We’ve helped five generations of American Jews make sense of the news and the world around them — and we aren’t slowing down any time soon.
As a nonprofit newsroom, reader donations make it possible for us to do this work. Support independent, agenda-free Jewish journalism and our board will match your gift in honor of our birthday!
Support our mission to tell the Jewish story fully and fairly.
