The feminist project of rethinking the Seder has begun — and my home is its next front. My eldest daughter, who recently became bat mitzvah, received as a gift a Miriam’s Cup. I’m not wild about such feminist flourishes, but as a father of three daughters, I dare not oppose them even if I find them questionable, lest I risk exile in my own home.
Besides which, what difference does Miriam’s Cup make to me? If adding a symbol of femininity to the Passover table makes the Seder more meaningful for half of all Jews, some of whom are my own children, all the better. Less than a century ago, much was made of the bat mitzvah, and now virtually everyone does that. Times change, traditions change.
The fact that women — whether they are militant feminists or not — are bringing new symbols, literature and liturgy to Jewish life should be welcomed, even when their innovations are misguided and difficult to reconcile with Jewish tradition (as I believe they sometimes can be). After all, at least they care enough to bother to engage seriously with Judaism, bringing it new vitality and forcing a discussion over whether something we call “tradition” is really “sexist.”
The problem is that, in the more liberal denominations, there is no counterbalancing enthusiasm for grappling with tradition among Jewish men. Among the Orthodox, of course, men are still held to be the authorities at home and in the community. Within the Reform and Conservative movements, however, Jewish men are drifting to the margins. And they’re not being pushed.
The Reform movement’s rabbinical schools will ordain 43 rabbis this year — 30 of them women. At Jewish summer camps, youth groups and campus Hillels, girls are running the show. Go to the photos on your synagogue wall of confirmation classes. You will likely see a trend (besides the hair styles): With each passing year, the share of young men shrinks.
I attended an adult bar mitzvah ceremony for Jewish men a few years ago. The female rabbi who presided remarked how rare it is for adult Jewish men to find fresh purpose in Jewish learning and heritage. More typical, she observed, is the Shabbat where the moms take the kids to shul, and the dads play golf.
Some say that it is the feminization of Judaism that’s turning off men. But if Jewish men are opting not to take on the responsibilities of spiritual authority in many Jewish homes, it’s not the fault of the women. It’s the fault of the men.
In the Reform and Conservative movements, Jewish men are increasingly abandoning their responsibilities to be men, as understood by Jewish law and tradition. They are just giving up. These responsibilities, of course, come with significant pressure and demand real work, not to mention study and seriousness. Men have to show up and pray, and set an example of observance at home and in the community. Fulfilling these responsibilities might mean spending less time preparing for the fantasy baseball draft and more time preparing to run a meaningful Seder.
And what if Jewish men do not rise to the challenge — or, more accurately, what if they continue to shirk it? Is that necessarily a bad thing? Of course. Judaism — like all faiths — finds its fullest form in its practice by both sexes in union, without exclusion. Granted, that is easier said than done, but that is the ideal.
So this Passover, why don’t we Jewish men try acting like men. Instead of kvetching about Miriam’s Cup, let’s show what we can bring to the Seder table.
Noam Neusner is the principal of Neusner Communications, LLC. He served as President Bush’s principal economic and domestic policy speechwriter from 2002 to 2004.
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Let me explain:
Over the millenia there have been religions run by men and there have been religions run by women.
Only the religions run by men have grown to large numbers and survived. This is as true of Christianity and Islam as it is true of Hinduism and Buddhism.
This is because (as whown above), while women will participate in men-run religions, men won't participate in women-run religions.
Hopefully, as part of their decline, reform and conservative Judaism will become more woman-lead, leading to male-lead Orthodoxy becoming dominant.
How is it that women's participation becomes competition in the eyes of men like this author? The "spiritual authority" that might come with such patronizing of others can't lead anyone much of anywhere... Perhaps a new way of being a Jewish man is yet to emerge; perhaps there will be those who won't recognize it when it does.
Part of the problem with the "Miriam's Cup" is that its ritual use is minimal. It does not play a role in the Seder action other than to point out that "women are here too". If we draw deeper from Miriam's Well we might consider it a vessel from which we can all drink and learn. This is what I have done with my version of the Haggadah. The specific page describing Miriam's Vessel is:
The Haggadah as a whole is available at:
`//rite On! ,\\ark Hurvitz
The URLs were removed.
Second attempt:
Miriam's Vessel:
davka.org/what/haggadah/miriam%27swell32.html
The Haggadah ("A Growing Haggadah"):
davka.org/what/haggadah/
`//rite On!
,\\ark Hurvitz
davka.org
Part of the problem with the "Miriam's Cup" is that its ritual use is minimal. It does not play a role in the Seder action other than to point out that "women are here too". If we draw deeper from Miriam's Well we might consider it a vessel from which we can all drink and learn. This is what I have done with my version of the Haggadah. The specific page describing Miriam's Vessel is:
The Haggadah as a whole is available at:
`//rite On! ,\\ark Hurvitz
The issue is symptomatic of the larger problem, which is that men have been pushed to the margins of domestic life in all of western culture. Mr. Neusner highlights this very fact in his first paragraph, “I dare not oppose them even if I find them questionable, lest I risk exile in my own home.” Most western women know that they can have their husbands removed from the home with a phone call. It is as easy as ordering pizza. They also know that legal system will award them the children, the home, and generous child support.
Thus, women have come to believe that the children, the home, and their husband’s salary are all rightfully theirs for the taking. Sadly, our government and law enforcement officials fully support this. Every day in every city all across America, men are summarily removed from their homes against their will. With women fully in charge of the home, a man is only a guest as long as she wants him there. He knows and she knows it. In such a scenario were men have been essentially emasculated, it is not realistic to expect men to play a larger role in domestic life.
Why do you say that the Jewish men who left have not been pushed? Perhaps the marginalization of the traditional male role including the establishment of new "traditions" that excluded men (New Moon celebrations for women only, anyone?) contributed to our leaving.
Is Mr. Neusner proud of the fact that he "served as President Bush’s principal economic and domestic policy speechwriter from 2002 to 2004"? By my reckoning this means that Mr. Neusner helped sell the Congress and the nation on an economic policy that has bankrupted our beloved country. If I were him, I would soft-peddle that part of my CV.
As for Miriam's Cup and so forth, Judaism, like water, has always sought and found its own balance. We have endured far greater strains and stresses than those existing today. There is no reason to think otherwise.
Hey, Noam, no hard feelings. Let's clink glasses and drink a L'chayim.
To Jeff above: I think you are very rude to Mr Neusner. I hope during this seder you think about the hatred in your heart. Many of us liked and voted for Pres. Bush - twice! - and if your complaint is that Pres. Bush spent too much money then you must be near a heart attack (l'havdil) with this new one. And perhaps you'd like to present your CV for criticism. Were you honored to be a speech writer for president? Or do you just snipe in comments. Hey, have a nice seder, anyway.
I refuse to participate in a religion in which the men give thanks to G-d that they were not born women.
I am one of the last German Jews.
Adios!
I don't think there is any quick fix for the lack of male involvement in Judaism. Each Jew's relationship to the congregation depends more on personal factors than gender. My great-great-grandmother dovened daily and issued halachic rulings on koshrut that no one questioned. The circa 1900 attitudes towards women did not keep her from actively expressing her Judaism and leading others. My grandparents lived from the 1910's to around 2000. Their Jewish life was a model of gender equality. They attended holiday services and regular study together. They even hosted haverah gatherings in their home together. Their 1950's style secular roles (my grandmother was a house spouse and my grandfather was an engineer) did not translate into any inequality in their religious life.
My parents were born in 1942. In the 1970's and 1980's my mom was the one on the temple board and in the temple choir while my dad was running the town soccer league. In past two decades (my teen years and 20's) my mom was the one driving me to holiday services and encouraging my Jewish growth. My dad spent those years building a secular cultural center for the town. In each decade, my ancestors' relation to Judaism had much more to do with their individual personalities than with the current trends in gender roles. Rather than look for institutional changes to get men back, just approach someone you know who never shows up to shul and ask him (or her for that matter) what would get attendance up.