The Debate Over Lox

Siegelmania

By Stanley Siegelman

Published March 25, 2010.
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NEWS ITEM: A group of ultra-Orthodox rabbis are arguing that salmon is not kosher because it may contain harmful parasites. Other rabbis have disagreed.


Some rabbis, ultra-Orthodox,
Decreed that Jews should eat no lox.
The food, they said, is under blight
For harboring a parasite.

“Lox isn’t safe! It’s plainly treyf,”
These theologians now vouchsafe.

But other rabbis disagreed
With findings of this far-right creed.
The stage is set for a debate
On what becomes of lox — its fate!

O’er matters such as this we’re torn.
From food-fights are great schisms born.
Let’s not regard as laughing-stocks
The folks who argue about lox!
(Expect, though, jokes and japes and knocks,
Like: “Don’t jail Jews, for they eat locks!”)

If lox is from our tables barred,
Our taste-buds would be hit, but hard!

Quite dominant in this debate
Are Jews who think the bagel’s great.
To them, the bagel’s firmly wed
To lox, in ways unlimited.
Lox-lovers, then, would be most wise
To seek “pro-bagelers” as allies.
With cream-cheese fressers they’re allied,
For lox, they’d do a homicide!
The cream-cheese addict thinks a schmear.
Makes worldly troubles disappear!
(We all should think outside the box
On matters that pertain to lox.)

The topic, “lox,” perhaps should be
Divorced from all theology.


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