The Debate Over Lox

NEWS ITEM: A group of ultra-Orthodox rabbis are arguing that salmon is not kosher because it may contain harmful parasites. Other rabbis have disagreed.

Some rabbis, ultra-Orthodox,
Decreed that Jews should eat no lox.
The food, they said, is under blight
For harboring a parasite.

“Lox isn’t safe! It’s plainly treyf,”
These theologians now vouchsafe.

But other rabbis disagreed
With findings of this far-right creed.
The stage is set for a debate
On what becomes of lox — its fate!

O’er matters such as this we’re torn.
From food-fights are great schisms born.
Let’s not regard as laughing-stocks
The folks who argue about lox!
(Expect, though, jokes and japes and knocks,
Like: “Don’t jail Jews, for they eat locks!”)

If lox is from our tables barred,
Our taste-buds would be hit, but hard!

Quite dominant in this debate
Are Jews who think the bagel’s great.
To them, the bagel’s firmly wed
To lox, in ways unlimited.
Lox-lovers, then, would be most wise
To seek “pro-bagelers” as allies.
With cream-cheese fressers they’re allied,
For lox, they’d do a homicide!
The cream-cheese addict thinks a schmear.
Makes worldly troubles disappear!
(We all should think outside the box
On matters that pertain to lox.)

The topic, “lox,” perhaps should be
Divorced from all theology.

Written by

Stanley Siegelman

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