Spitzer’s Folly

By Stanley Siegelman

Published March 21, 2008, issue of March 28, 2008.
  • Print
  • Share Share

Our first Semitic president!
Such was his ultimate intent.

But now we’re shaken to the roots
To learn about those prostitutes.

His stance of moral rectitude
Is shattered — now he’s seen as lewd.

This great reformer, this crusader,
Has morphed into a dark Darth Vader!

He’s laid low by a sin that’s scarlet:
Having caucus with a harlot.

How sad to see this avatar
Get caught with hand in cookie-jar!

He couldn’t shun the calls-and-becks,
Enticements to illicit sex!

’Tis shameful, being trapped sans pants,
A blow to pride and arrogance!

Now cries and sighs of deep lament
Are heard in halls of government,

As appointees, o’erwhelmed with sobs,
Grow fearful they might lose their jobs.

Oh, organs of the state, farewell,
Like Eliot, you rose and fell!


Spitzer’s Narishkeyt

S’iz take okh-un-vey — a klog —
A nekhtiker (un biter) tog!

Zayn hofn, nebekh, gantz farbrent,
Er ken nit vern prezident,

In Vaysn Hoyz der ershter yid.
A shmutsike zokh iz “vat he did.”

Mit nafkes Spitzer hot geshpilt,
Yetst iz er ful mit veynerish “guilt.”

Er gleybt nor in a kush, a knish,
S’iz tsayt far tokhis-oyfn-tish.

Gekhapt mit on keyn gatkes (“pants”),
Er muz bashtroft zayn far “romance.”

Kumt shoyn an F.B.I. bufel?
Un efsher geyt er glaykh tsu “jail”?

M’fregt im, “Eliot, far vos?”
Zogt er: “Ikh bin der balebos!”

Der “boss” nisht mer! Er blaybt sha-shtil,
Vayl er iz in a “pickle” (dill).

Khaverim shvitsen yetst mit blut,
Zeyere shteles meglekh, oy, kaput.

Der goyrl haynt fun yeder “pol”:
Der oyfheyb un der unterfol!






Find us on Facebook!
  • “'I made a new friend,' my son told his grandfather later that day. 'I don’t know her name, but she was very nice. We met on the bus.' Welcome to Israel."
  • A Jewish female sword swallower. It's as cool as it sounds (and looks)!
  • Why did David Menachem Gordon join the IDF? In his own words: "The Israel Defense Forces is an army that fights for her nation’s survival and the absence of its warriors equals destruction from numerous regional foes. America is not quite under the threat of total annihilation… Simply put, I felt I was needed more in Israel than in the United States."
  • Leonard Fein's most enduring legacy may be his rejection of dualism: the idea that Jews must choose between assertiveness and compassion, between tribalism and universalism. Steven M. Cohen remembers a great Jewish progressive:
  • BREAKING: Missing lone soldier David Menachem Gordon has been found dead in central Israel. The Ohio native was 21 years old.
  • “They think they can slap on an Amish hat and a long black robe, and they’ve created a Hasid." What do you think of Hollywood's portrayal of Hasidic Jews?
  • “I’ve been doing this since I was a teenager. I didn’t think I would have to do it when I was 90.” Hedy Epstein fled Nazi Germany in 1933 on a Kinderstransport.
  • "A few decades ago, it would have been easy to add Jews to that list of disempowered victims. I could throw in Leo Frank, the victim of mob justice; or otherwise privileged Jewish men denied entrance to elite universities. These days, however, we have to search a lot harder." Are you worried about what's going in on #Ferguson?
  • Will you accept the challenge?
  • In the six years since Dothan launched its relocation program, 8 families have made the jump — but will they stay? We went there to find out:
  • "Jewish Israelis and West Bank Palestinians are witnessing — and living — two very different wars." Naomi Zeveloff's first on-the-ground dispatch from Israel:
  • This deserves a whistle: Lauren Bacall's stylish wardrobe is getting its own museum exhibit at Fashion Institute of Technology.
  • How do you make people laugh when they're fighting on the front lines or ducking bombs?
  • "Hamas and others have dredged up passages form the Quran that demonize Jews horribly. Some imams rail about international Jewish conspiracies. But they’d have a much smaller audience for their ravings if Israel could find a way to lower the flames in the conflict." Do you agree with J.J. Goldberg?
  • How did Tariq Abu Khdeir go from fun-loving Palestinian-American teen to international icon in just a few short weeks? http://jd.fo/d4kkV
  • from-cache

Would you like to receive updates about new stories?




















We will not share your e-mail address or other personal information.

Already subscribed? Manage your subscription.