DER YIDDISH-VINKL February 11, 2005


Published February 11, 2005, issue of February 11, 2005.
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Once more the inimitable Stanley Siegelman returns to Der Vinkl with a rare news item and his Yinglish versions in Yiddish mixed with English and in English mixed with Yiddish. In England, he reports, an 18-year-old girl has openly advertised the sale of her virginity for several hundred British pounds. Hundreds of men have responded to the offer.

Bsule Tsu Koyfn

Di Englishe meydl hot bafelt

Ir veys-ikh-vos iz dayn — far gelt

A man darf zayn a yold, a klutz

Tsu koyfn fun a moyd a “futs”!

Oy, mener hit zikh op fun ir

A doktor darf ir ton a “shmir”!

A frage — tukhis oyfn tish

Zi trogt nokh dort a kosher knish?

A shmendrik darft a “guarantee”

Zi muz zayn fray fun STD

M’ken ir gloybn zi’z a moyd?

(In Brooklyn, zogt men “Dat’s absoyd!”

M’fregt zi “vifl kost?” zogt zi:

“Ikh bet aykh nor an ‘entrance fee’

Un oyb der man’z a Yiddishsport

Mistome er’z a bisl short.

Fardin ikh yetst mayn shtikl broyt

Ikh vil nit zayn an alte moyd!

Tsu lebn in der velt, mayn fraynt

A knipl darf men hobn haynt.”

An Eynglish bokher shrayt oys: “Zounds!

Derfar muz ikh batsoln pounds?”

Di tsatske iz a groyse bren!

(Shik ir tsu shlofn mit Big Ben!)

Zi greyt zikh on in ire zin

Tsu makhn im um hul-ya-vin

Ir kale-kleydl is a vayse?

Freg nit kashes oyf a mayse!

Virgin for Sale

Here comes a shameless British tart

Who offers up for sale — her heart

A guy would be a fool and heel

To enter into such a deal!

Beware her dimples and her smiles

She’ll lay you in the (British) aisles

And even if the girl’s a dish

Will she purvey a kosher knish?

Moreover, can she guarantee

She’s free and clear of STD?

She claims to be a virgin pure

To which we say, “Oh, yeah, oh, sure.”

When queried what the price would be

She says, “I charge an entrance fee.

But if the man’s a Jewish sport

I find he’s apt to come too short.

A decent living I must earn!

An old-maid role I hereby spurn.

To make ends meet — that is my thrust

A bulging nest egg is a must.”

A British bounder bellows: “Zounds!

For this she’s charging sterling pounds?”

The trollop has a yen for men

She’d ring the chimes of old Big Ben!

She’s ready now to cast her net

For maiden voyage she’s all set

Her bridal gown — will it be white?

The question disregard! It’s trite!

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